How did I not notice this?

he puts his head on his desk, bored and pierces the table. "old yeller! where am i gonna find a table at this time of night?"

He accidentally trips and dents the floor.
"Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire! How am I going to get this fixed?!"

he walks on the street and bumps someone and falls on them. "charlie and the chocolate factory! i'm afraid i've decapitated you! sorry!"

He loses his balance climbing into bed and cuts the sheets up.
"Catcher in the Rye! I don't know how to sew!"

He accidentally cut himself while cutting the onions
"Percy Jackson: The Titan's Curse! What was I thinking!

He looks down and mortally stabs his chest
"War and Peace! Im dying!"

He looks down to eat and cuts his plate. "Tale of Two Cities! My grandmother gave me that!"

He's shaving and accidentally cuts the razor into bits. "Fifty Shades of Gray! That was the last one I had!"

He's driving his car, gets into an accident, and cuts up the wheel. "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer! Do you want to trade insurance details?"