Not sure if real or not, but amusing nonetheless

The best flight attendants, but not on this flight is one I have heard on planes twice before. That might be a company line.

Give them all medals!

I heard one with a screeching halt. Also, 'ladies and gentlemen, if, god forbid, you brought small children on this flight, first of all, why the hell would you do that, and second please make sure they stay quiet.