She is crying because she always looked up to her father for being smart like her mother, so when the father lost, her idea of him being so smart was being destroyed perhaps.
My dad never went easy on me and I'm very grateful, since it means I don't expect to win easily. I work for what I get, just because my dad didn't let me win... That seems like a very easy lesson to teach your kids to help them, and yet so many people think it's bad.
No it doesn't. What, you'd rather lie to your child? I wish my parents were brutally honest with me, then life wouldn't have been such a shock...
Be honest with them, tell them that life is harsh (this is not a pessimistic view, it's realistic), that some people are mean, that you won't always win and that things won't always go your way in life. Trust me, you'd be doing them a favour.
She may not understand it now, but someday she'll realize that this was a valuable lesson.
the world is gonna make you suffer anyway. it takes someone special to be always beside you, lift you, encourage you, and love you unconditionally. and this is what family and friends are for.
That's not always the case, in fact, it's a little naive to believe that your family and friends will always be beside you. While it's a sweet sentiment, your family will pass on eventually, and you need to learn how to deal with life on your own. In this cruel world, you need to learn to rely on yourself at times. The sooner this girl realizes that life is unfair, the better it will be for her. She won't hold on to unrealistic expectations that let her down. Children is a critical period for nurturing resilience not dependency.
nothing and no one is permanent.but till the time they are there, it should be the case. and yes we do need to learn to live on our own but we still look on to some one to love and care for us. don't you? and world is both cruel and sweet. cruel because of people who are making their children resilient and eventually make them them a person who does not trust and care for any one. and sweet because there are people who do care and value everyone around them. its your choice to be on the side you want. and i totally disagree with you last statement. we are dependent that's what makes us human.
and while he was doing that. he didn't tell her daughter that i am gonna make you stronger for the future. so, she took his action as eventual that's why she is crying so badly. and who knows what her future will be like. you are ruining his present for an unknown future. that's cruel actually.
Letting someone getting everything they want just because they want it isn't support, and making them work for what they want isn't cruel. Other kids aren't going to let them win, and kids need to learn that they have to work at things if they want to win. No one ever let me win anything, which made it even better when I did win through hard work and perseverance.
And just because you don't give someone everything doesn't mean you aren't there to support them. Support is telling someone to keep at it, that they can do it if they try, not just giving them an easy time because they really want it.
I agree with raven and everything.
You need to lose to know how to win.
If you always win because you have a parent that LETS you win all the time, you won't know how the duck to do anything and then you'll lose all the time.
In reality this is two valuable lessons.
1. Don't try to win every single time. You'll just become vain and conceited.
2. If or when you have children don't let them win all the time or they'll be disappointments.
i am talking about life. not only this situation.
your(three) points conclude that life is a race and we should be hard on our children so that they learn to win or atleast not diminish if lose. right?
i may be idealist in my approach but in my opinion if we try we can end the race and love instead.
Then why does it matter if you don't let them win? You love them the same either way, and one way you're teaching them (intentionally or not) that winning is important enough that they have to do it every time, so you're letting them.
Letting them have everything they want isn't the only way to show love. There aren't other ways to teach them to work for what they want, that they can't just win all the time. People naturally find winning important, and that's why kids throw huge fits when other kids beat them: because their parents always let them win.
yeah but making them feel less also not gonna work in making them good at life. and my point was not to win or lose. it was how you make them feel. because 90 percent of the kids don't even compete because they do not have the courage and confidence to do so. reason?
Maybe the reason is that parents taught kids that winning was the most important thing? That they couldn't take losing, and the only way to feel decent was to win all the time? So I'd rather teach my kids to A) work hard to get what they want and B) that they aren't worth less because they lose, that they can just pick up and keep trying. Because if you want something badly enough, you work at it, people don't hand it to you. Because even though there are things that I will give them, there are some things that I can't.
Okay, Holirific, I've taken child development classes and from personal experience, I can definitely say that I was never traumatized by not winning every time when I was a child. It made real victories better for me. How exactly are you planning on teaching your children the same thing? What is it that makes you think that not winning is such a bad thing? Yes, this particular child is upset. You know why?? Because other people have let her win, so she expects to win. If you /never/ LET your child win, they don't find anything wrong with losing, and they work harder for the win, and it means more when they succeed. Yes, you need to encourage them as well, but if you do that, your kid isn't going to give up on competition just because they don't always win. The same has been done with most of the kids in my family, and they're all very competitive and very happy, even when they lose. My little sister (half sister) on the other hand, was allowed to win all the time, and now the second
she doesn't get what she wants, despite the fact that she is /thirteen/, she throws a huge fit, because she doesn't know how to lose, because she never did.
misraven>if you say so then i can't say anything. btw you have assumed too much from that image XD .. and i will always love my children no matter what i will never be unreasonably hard on them i will love them and teach the love. because i am a lover and nothing else :D ;) . thanks for sharing your opinions and story i appreciate that. :)
If you love them, you should give them the tools they need to succeed and be happy as well. In order to be a parent, you can't just love on them, you have to teach them. It has been statistically proven that children who have parents who want only to be their friends, who aren't consistent, or who don't punish them are the most unhappy. As strange as it sounds, children need rules. No, you shouldn't be unreasonable, but you can't just not give them structure because you'd rather go easy on them... otherwise you'll have very unhappy kids.
life will teach them anything they need to learn. i will not make them obey my rules. i will make them so that when time come they devise their own rules and live by them. and who says happiness is necessary to live?
There have been studies on that, too. Without love and happiness, people's health deteriorates quickly and they can actually die. I think it's extremely foolish to expect them to just learn everything magically, the reason people have parents is so that they can teach them and educate them, and help them with the things they need. In order to have self control and to devise rules, there has to be communication and structure in a home life. Don't try so hard to avoid being Authoritarian that you become Permissive, because that's just as bad. Please, read this article and maybe take some parenting courses before you ever have kids. http://discipline.about.com/od/typesofdiscipline/a/Types-Of-Discipline-Strategies-And-Parenting-Styles.htm
"The type of discipline you use can have a dramatic effect on your child’s development. Your discipline strategies can have a big impact on the type of relationship you have with your child. The various approaches to discipline can even influence a child’s mood and temperament into adulthood."
>>>>>look i pasted ^^^ from the article. and it approves my point that the behavior you choose matters. the method he (dad) chose to teach his daughter was not fair.
This image isn't showing discipline, you realize that, right? This parent didn't /let/ his child win, how is that not fair? Do you only think it's fair that everyone wins 100% of the time?
What if you have two kids? How are they both going to win? Are you going to tell the older child to let the younger one win? Shouldn't you teach your kids to try their hardest all the time? Just because someone else isn't as good as you doesn't mean you should handicap yourself. LIFE isn't fair, no one is going to sit back and let you get a job because you really want one and don't know how to get one, you have to work at it, you have to put in the effort, and you have to be the best.
yes. but that parent didn't just let her win but also make her feel less by not actually supporting her before and after. that's what bothers me. and i surely don't want 100% win.
You don't know what happened before or after, you know what happened in that one second. I'm all for supporting kids, but you can't just let them win. You can't let them run around without rules, either, because it just leads to unhappiness when things don't go their way. Yes, good parents should say "try harder next time, you keep trying and you'll get it eventually" but with a picture, you don't know that that was the dad, you don't know what he said to her before or after, all you know is that the person behind the camera built a bigger tower, and she threw a fit.
you are taking me whole wrong. okay tell me you say you should try hard and you should know. tell me how many kids today know how to play football, or to dance or to do any creative activity. many more and some of them even love to dance and be artistic. so what is actually holding them back. is it not knowing how to dance. or is it the courage they are missing to present themselves before everyone..... and what might be the reason behind it?
Or it could be a completely different thing entirely. I'd say it probably depends person to person, and in most cases, in my opinion, it's either A) parents who don't support them and won't take them to practices, thereby not allowing them to learn B) lack of interest in doing anything competitive because they're sore losers because parents let them win (taken from many people I know) C) lack of interest because they /aren't interested/ D) lack of courage because parents never taught kids how to ignore bullies. In my case, it was A, because my mom was too poor to take me to things and didn't pay enough attention to me to care if I showed interest in anything anyway. In my sister's case, it's sort of B, because she doesn't have anything even resembling determination, because she expects to get everything she wants, because my mom gave her everything she wanted. She's completely unable to stick with anything when it doesn't immediately work, and it wasn't because people made taller lego
A) i can feel you
B) i will go with the statement as you suggested that its person to person thing rather than communal traits.
C) i my opinion the reason behind not having the courage is that parents don't support their children and don't make them feel selfworthy. no body ever wants to be a loser or tedium. but he/she becomes when family and society doesn't support him/her.
D) but my assumptions are idea based having no such practical hindsight. so, can't actually say how it happens.
In my opinion, and you're welcome to disagree, but having self worth shouldn't be dependent on other people. Proper parents teach them that it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, and that's it. That includes family, because if my family tells me "Hey, you can't be an artist" or "you can't get married to her" I will screw them and do it anyway, because no one has any right to tell me how to live my life, and I"m not living it for anyone else. Obviously, you have to have some friends and people who support you, it's how people are and ignoring that would be stupid, but I don't feel that parents "making their children feel worthy" is the right answer either.
we all say that we should be self dependent and don't look for anyone's approval but deep inside we all need that. every one's looking for a little support, a little care, a word of encouragement. and specially children.
and thats exactly i was talking about that families should support children otherwise they will feel pissed off and eventually hate their family.
and "parents making children feel worthy" is actually the right answer
because you don't come out of the vagina and say that okay! i am on my own and i don't need any one. human psychology gets build through time and specially in early age. and its family and friends who are around you this whole time. you can say that you screw your family if they don't let you what you want to be at this stage of life because now you know alot and you know that there is a world besides it which i can survive. but for children their parents are ultimate source and authority.
You don't need it from everyone, and yes, at that age people should get support, but the ultimate lesson shouldn't be that you should depend on people, it should be to find your own way, no matter what that reason is. But frankly, if someone is a crap enough parent that they don't make their kid feel worthy, saying that they need to isn't going to change that. Letting kids win isn't how you make them feel worthy, from experience, several psychology classes, and a development class, that's how you make them feel like their worth depends on them winning. You let them lose, and assure them that they're great anyway, and that even if they lose, you love them, and they should try harder.
You win life
much long picture
wow
Be honest with them, tell them that life is harsh (this is not a pessimistic view, it's realistic), that some people are mean, that you won't always win and that things won't always go your way in life. Trust me, you'd be doing them a favour.
She may not understand it now, but someday she'll realize that this was a valuable lesson.
but https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=736759446385509
both of you watch this video and tell me which one looks more adorable.
You need to lose to know how to win.
If you always win because you have a parent that LETS you win all the time, you won't know how the duck to do anything and then you'll lose all the time.
In reality this is two valuable lessons.
1. Don't try to win every single time. You'll just become vain and conceited.
2. If or when you have children don't let them win all the time or they'll be disappointments.
your(three) points conclude that life is a race and we should be hard on our children so that they learn to win or atleast not diminish if lose. right?
i may be idealist in my approach but in my opinion if we try we can end the race and love instead.
>>>>>look i pasted ^^^ from the article. and it approves my point that the behavior you choose matters. the method he (dad) chose to teach his daughter was not fair.
B) i will go with the statement as you suggested that its person to person thing rather than communal traits.
C) i my opinion the reason behind not having the courage is that parents don't support their children and don't make them feel selfworthy. no body ever wants to be a loser or tedium. but he/she becomes when family and society doesn't support him/her.
D) but my assumptions are idea based having no such practical hindsight. so, can't actually say how it happens.
and thats exactly i was talking about that families should support children otherwise they will feel pissed off and eventually hate their family.
and "parents making children feel worthy" is actually the right answer
because you don't come out of the vagina and say that okay! i am on my own and i don't need any one. human psychology gets build through time and specially in early age. and its family and friends who are around you this whole time. you can say that you screw your family if they don't let you what you want to be at this stage of life because now you know alot and you know that there is a world besides it which i can survive. but for children their parents are ultimate source and authority.