I honestly have such a bad fear of speaking in class. Last year, over the summer, twice in two weeks), I had to present a video game my group and I designed (I decided to speak so I could try and get used to it). I actually started to tear up. I hate how nervous it makes me.
How to explain this...
It's more of being afraid of what people think of you in a sense? And that if you say the wrong thing, then people will get a bad view of you, I suppose. So you're always keeping to yourself so that people don't view you in a bad light and you won't have to worry so much about how others see you.
So people like this are quiet because they're kinda scared, I guess. Scared of what others think and afraid of being wrong and publicly embarrassing yourself.
At least, that's what it is for me. That's usually why I'm quiet in class and it takes a lot for me to raise my voice to people I barely know and am not very comfortable with. Not everyone is loud and outgoing enough to say "stupid" things in class because they don't want to be viewed as silly, stupid, or things like that.
Did that explain anything?
How about not giving a shit what people think of you. They think you're weird? Who cares. Fuckem. Everyone is weird in one way or another. I like this site but honestly everyone seems to be weak and it's annoying. Just. Just the way people are and how they defend their weakness like its special.
It actually is. You just have to want it to be like that. If you're scared you have to get over it and actually want to get over it. Otherwise yes. You will still be the way you are and will make people think you're weird. Which since you will stay they way you are, will make your "condition" for lack of a better word, worse. You have to want to change to make things better.
Alright...
How about an example?
Last week, my first day of orchestra, the class I'd been looking forward to. Ruined.
My teacher was doing roll and instead of "When I call your name...." She did "I'll point to you and you can just tell the class your name"
Alright. I can do this.
I was in the third row, but I was first. Right there, she told me to stand up and all eyes were on me. I was scared because this many people focusing on me made me feel self conscious. But either way, I had to tell everyone my name. I tried my hardest to be loud so that they could hear me and even closed my eyes so I could pretend they weren't there. It didn't work.
"Hi, my name i-"
"I CANT HEAR HER" from the other side of the classroom. I was mortified because I had tried so hard to be as loud as I could, but someone called out that I was being quiet when I honest to god thought I was being super loud.
So again I closed my eyes and practically shouted my name because that was the only way they would
hear me. I really wanted to be loud and outgoing and make a good first impression with these people that I didn't know, I really did try my hardest, I promise.
And then, later that class period, she had us get into groups of four and make a rap, song, or poem to introduce ourselves. Being in a mostly black school, the kids I was put in a group with decided we should do a rap.
Alright. Fine. I can do this. I'll try and redeem myself.
Again, I was told I was being too quiet and that my own group members couldn't hear me, even though we were all right there.
But moving that aside, we came up with our rap and everything, gone over it, but I couldn't do it. I was still scared because of what had happened prior. My ears were practically on fire from embarrassment. I asked to go to the bathroom so I could get a bit of air and calm myself, but it didn't work.
I went back and one of my group members even offered to do my part for me, and I let her because I simply could not have that
many eyes focusing on me at once.
I still do give my answers because I know what I'm talking about in that class, but even then the teacher still has to repeat my answer to the class because they can't hear me even when I'm trying my absolute best to be as loud as possible without shouting and disrupting everything.
Of course I care. I'm going to be seeing these people, mostly juniors and seniors, while I'm still a freshman, for the rest of my school year
I'm going to care what they think because when someone has a bad view of you, they could start spreading rumors about you and that's never good.
You cannot tell me that you don't care what ANYONE thinks of you.
There has to be at least one. A friend of yours
A crush
Family members.
There's someone out there that you care about what they think of you.
But, anyway.
Thanks for the advice you gave me, I'll try it but I won't expect much results. Call me weak, I don't care at this moment, but I'm done here.
Here's how it works. Unless you say you support Hitler and the kkk, people aren't going to hate you. Otherwise, say whatever the fuck you want and don't give a shit about what others think. If you don't give a shit, people won't hate on you. As long as you don't offend anyone then you're fine.
It actually is. You're just making it harder than it has to be. It really is that simple. If someone laughs or says stupid shit literally just be like " eh idc. Fuckem" like it is literally that easy. You just choose to make it harder on yourself.
No!
It's not!
You don't understand because you're an outgoing person but some of us aren't like that. Some of us freeze up in front of people when they laugh at something you do when you tried your best. Some of us turn shades of red when people criticize us. It's quite difficult
I'm actually not. I don't talk to people I don't know unless it's necessary. O only talk to people I know. I just don't let what other people think bother me. It's about not caring what people think and having confidence in yourself. Also I can laugh at myself. If you can't laugh at yourself and your mistakes than that's also a big problem in your struggle in freezing up or anxiety or any problem such as those really
mrrsparklez I don't know who you think you are, saying that everyone else should have just as much confidence as you do. One of my good friends has struggled for a while with confidence in how people perceive her (despite her being an extrovert) , and she knows that she should get over it, but it just isn't that easy. At first it was hard for me to understand because I am a more confident person than her for the most part, but eventually I understood it's not acceptable to assume that everyone is as confident as you because everyone has flaws. For an example, imagine someone wanting to give up coffee, but they can't because they need it to wake up every day. They want to stop having it, but it's really hard to do.
I think what people are missing here is that any form of anxiety (professionally diagnosed or not) is not something you can just switch off. Anxiety like phobias are irrational. You can be afraid of what people think of you even though they don't care because you can't help it. So stop giving people shit and telling them they are "weak pussies" and just think for one minute what it's like to have to physically will yourself to speak to people. Because it's not easy. Maybe for once think what it is like to not be the most popular kid in school who can say anything or the class clown and just encourage someone who is having difficulties with positive reinforcement.
Like I said. As long as you try and truly want things to change. They will. It may be hard but not trying to fix things is only going to make it that much worse and that much harder to fix in the long run. You can't let your fear win. I don't remember me ever saying those people are pussies. Although I did say weak because it seems like people are fine with not trying to fix their problems. And for the record I was never the popular kid or the class clown. Hell in middle school I was the littler nerdy kid who'd get picked on by everyone but I knew to fucking stand up for myself. It's up to you to fix your problems. In high school it wasn't as bad but id still have to defend myself from assholes so sorry if I don't see "being scared" as an appropriate excuse.
What if I told you that we do try hard. We try our hardest and we want things to change so badly, but things usually knock you down before you can "get over it"
Sparklez is an idiot because he gives a suggestion to this issue? Ok, why don't I just suggest you guys to wallow and roll up into your social issues and let it hinder a part of your life. Is that what you want to hear? Or am I going to get down voted for giving a suggestion. As for this fear of not speaking infront of a crowd, there really is no other way to fix this other than to just speak up. You can try talking to your dog, parents, or whatever practices are there, but it's not going away until you actually do it infront of a group of people and get comfortable with it.
It's more of being afraid of what people think of you in a sense? And that if you say the wrong thing, then people will get a bad view of you, I suppose. So you're always keeping to yourself so that people don't view you in a bad light and you won't have to worry so much about how others see you.
So people like this are quiet because they're kinda scared, I guess. Scared of what others think and afraid of being wrong and publicly embarrassing yourself.
At least, that's what it is for me. That's usually why I'm quiet in class and it takes a lot for me to raise my voice to people I barely know and am not very comfortable with. Not everyone is loud and outgoing enough to say "stupid" things in class because they don't want to be viewed as silly, stupid, or things like that.
Did that explain anything?
How about an example?
Last week, my first day of orchestra, the class I'd been looking forward to. Ruined.
My teacher was doing roll and instead of "When I call your name...." She did "I'll point to you and you can just tell the class your name"
Alright. I can do this.
I was in the third row, but I was first. Right there, she told me to stand up and all eyes were on me. I was scared because this many people focusing on me made me feel self conscious. But either way, I had to tell everyone my name. I tried my hardest to be loud so that they could hear me and even closed my eyes so I could pretend they weren't there. It didn't work.
"Hi, my name i-"
"I CANT HEAR HER" from the other side of the classroom. I was mortified because I had tried so hard to be as loud as I could, but someone called out that I was being quiet when I honest to god thought I was being super loud.
So again I closed my eyes and practically shouted my name because that was the only way they would
And then, later that class period, she had us get into groups of four and make a rap, song, or poem to introduce ourselves. Being in a mostly black school, the kids I was put in a group with decided we should do a rap.
Alright. Fine. I can do this. I'll try and redeem myself.
Again, I was told I was being too quiet and that my own group members couldn't hear me, even though we were all right there.
But moving that aside, we came up with our rap and everything, gone over it, but I couldn't do it. I was still scared because of what had happened prior. My ears were practically on fire from embarrassment. I asked to go to the bathroom so I could get a bit of air and calm myself, but it didn't work.
I went back and one of my group members even offered to do my part for me, and I let her because I simply could not have that
I still do give my answers because I know what I'm talking about in that class, but even then the teacher still has to repeat my answer to the class because they can't hear me even when I'm trying my absolute best to be as loud as possible without shouting and disrupting everything.
I'm going to care what they think because when someone has a bad view of you, they could start spreading rumors about you and that's never good.
You cannot tell me that you don't care what ANYONE thinks of you.
There has to be at least one. A friend of yours
A crush
Family members.
There's someone out there that you care about what they think of you.
But, anyway.
Thanks for the advice you gave me, I'll try it but I won't expect much results. Call me weak, I don't care at this moment, but I'm done here.
It's not!
You don't understand because you're an outgoing person but some of us aren't like that. Some of us freeze up in front of people when they laugh at something you do when you tried your best. Some of us turn shades of red when people criticize us. It's quite difficult