Friend zoned forever

The Friend Zone is a bullshit, misogynistic, make-believe land guys have come up with to demonize women for not wanting to date them. They use it as an excuse to ignore the fact that there are Actual Reasons behind their decision to not pursue a relationship or have sex with this guy. You know, like not being physically attracted to them. Or not being able to connect with them. Or seeing through their crap and realizing that the only reason these guys are even friends with them in the first place is so they can get laid.

Almost spat my tea out

You do realize girls can get friend-zoned too? It's happened to me before.