The first person who fell asleep

It wasn't just the first person. I can assure you that's my reaction every night as well.

Too bad I never get that "aw that's the shit" feeling after I wake up

Imagine what it was like for the first person that touched themselves.
"Oh....what is this.....OHHHHHHH BOY....."

...and then went back to sleep

Ill probably try to do it right again.

But they wouldn't think they were about to die because nobody had ever died yet