Meanwhile in Canada

I highly doubt that because Canadian prisons exist. A prisoner built a crossbow in his cell once.

Someone might have borrowed the car and returned it Ferris Bueller style.

I once left my keys on my house's door and I was out all day, and I remembered that I left them there on my way back. Nothing had happened. And I don't live in Canada.

I left my door closed, locked it all tightly, and left for vacation. Burglers got in. We live on the 9th floor in China lol

My dad once dropped his wallet next to the car and no one took it.

Just bought a new car, some twat stole all four valve stem covers.