Heavy contour is my bet

But you're just beaut anyway so.

I don't spend so much on products for nothing, girl

I don't spend a lot on my make up at all really. A lot of it is years old xD

My eyebrows are thick af and I'm a dude

I spend a lots on makeup and skincare products (one of my goal is to look 20s even when I'm 40s)
Guys are usually blessed with thick eyebrows and eyelashes

Undeserving bastards

Well, they don't look like yours, my thick eyebrows are more like gandalf eyebrows, in the sense that they're big and bushy.
Also, even if I did have beautiful thick eyebrows it does not make me an undeserving bastard

Have them threaded a little bit maybe?

Not really

You should

For the record: I wasn't calling you an undeserving bastard personally @dr_richard_ew but @rosalinas is right, threading them and trimming them so they're tidier will make a world of difference.