Steve came home. “Hey Dave, so my mother texted – Oh my god!” There, pale and mildly-overweight, wearing nothing but his underwear, curled up in a fetal position, rocking back and forth on a soiled floor, was a very distraught Dave. Upon closer inspection, the floor was actually covered in the fragments of hundreds of dismembered Oreos. Dave looked up at Steve, his eyes puffy and squinting in uncontrollable tears. In a sadly manic voice, punctuated by sporadic sobs and gasps the he said “It works. The lifehack really works.”
People are animals and they do. Also, it has been my observation that people are more likely to sob while eating, or masturbating, or procrastinating on a very large paper that is due by midnight tonight when they are identified as "animals" or "pieces of shit."
Once when my brother was about 4 years old I came home to find him sitting beside an enormous pile of soggy Oreo outsides. He'd licked out the center from each cookie in the entire box. I was laughing too hard to tell him off.
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