how's this for a homework excuse?

"I didn't do my homework."
"Why?"
"My baby duck sleeping on my calculator."
"Very funny. Just know you get a zero."
"LOOK AT THIS PICTURE BITCH!"

But how would I even wake him up?!?!? What do you expect me to do?!?!?! It's a flipping baby duck!!!! I'm not gunna wake a baby duck from its slumber. I just can't!!!

Awh :( I want a duck!

Why do you have a duck? Wait.. Are you Joey!? Or Chandler!!?