"Robert. Robert. ROB-ERT."
"wha."
"Say, Myrtle decided she needs a cane."
"I got a cane for her right here."
"... you're bedridden, Robert."
"Yeah, I been ridin' Myrtle!"
"BED-RIDDEN. Put in your damn hearing aid."

for the first one... lactic acid is what causes muscle pain and cramps during the workout

the last guy who reblogged clearly doesn't know that "great" isn't spelled a-m-a-z-i-n-g

...on the bright side, if someone's ever laying siege to your residence, you know how to make mustard gas!

This is because when you are asleep, your body still receives subconscious sensory input. Your brain is told that you are being pulled down flat on your back (gravity) and that you are unable to move your limps, as if you were Petrificus Totalus-ed (the sheets that are lying snugly on top of you). Your brain then gets extremely confused, because in your dream, you want to run, but in real life, you're in a straitjacket. This is the result.

Let's lay down a few facts and not get carried away:
1) I am a man.
2) I recognize that women face hardships from men in society.
3) I recognize that men face hardships from women in society.
4) I am not a god; I am not omniscient.
5) I am therefore incapable of judging which gender is, in the absolute, more wronged.
6) I believe feminism, especially in the USA, is misinterpreted as misandry (man-hating).
7) I refer to myself as an "egalist."
8) I believe "egalism" means that everyone is treated absolutely equally regardless of sex.

This is strangely calming. Seriously, I'm going to keep this to watch when I'm stressed or frustrated. It's like it moves slowly enough not to be overwhelming, but fast enough not to be boring. I like

how do you die from dating a supermodel

The worst part is that I can't STAND people who are obvious hypocrites, but I am well aware that I do things that are hypocritical, which I just pass off as, "nobody's perfect, etc." But this is my excuse. Nobody else can use it. You're all fucking hypocrites.

keeping this

Knew the one about Andre the Giant

wouldn't the answer be the same, though?

faith in parenting restored

drop of a hat -__-*
so glad this idiot got to interview her on national television. Mayim Bialik has a PhD in neuroscience from UCLA, though she was accepted to both Harvard and Yale. She IS the genius (more than Jim Parsons, anyway)

Actually I believe it's Prim's song...

I always wondered why Saturday Night Live would have Fred Armisan play the queen. Welp now I see it

I respond to this the same as when asked "Nicholson or Ledger?"
Why can't I just like both, about the same amount, for different reasons?

Shall we play deductions?

The title says it all. Seriously. Why couldn't they make a NOT-creepy-as-fuck forest?

I'm not going to make you feel bad about it.
Coronary heart disease, paying more for each meal than anyone else, airplane seats, sleep apnea, joint problems, type-2 diabetes, higher health insurance premiums, a shorter lifespan, higher risk for cancer, higher risk for infertility, higher risk for premature births, and the ability to do less in your life are going to make you feel bad enough.