I can only dream of being that smooov.

Am I the only person whose mind added in the low whistling sound that usually goes with that tongue shape?

A roadside rest stop along a tollway I used to drive had stalls whose walls went from a foot above the floor to about four feet above the floor. IOW, you got to make eye contact with anyone sitting on a toilet. I heard it was because the state was worried about people doing drugs in the stalls, but that doesn't completely ring true.

The problems I see are not the one(s) that OP sees:
-Should be vanilla ice cream and not Cool Whip
-Nothing on the chocolate cake.

Why are people being criticized for doing what they want to (nothing) on their birthday, by people who are disappointed that the birthday boy didn't pick something *she* wanted to do??

In the '80s and '90s, a 4.5% inflation rate was baked into our thinking. That is, if you didn't get at least that much of a raise, you were losing ground in purchasing power. It wasn't 'til the 2000's that people got used to 3% inflation.

Countersuit? Only worth it if she has anything worth suing for. Some people are "judgment-proof."

Data entry clerks get paid for typing.
People in some other kinds of work get paid for thinking.
I hate to think how many times someone stuck their head into my cubicle and saw me looking at a CAD rendering of a part I was designing. Or looking at an equation in a spreadhseet thinking through the IF/THEN hierarchy.

Snoop Dog with Doggie Daddy.

Trivia: Checkmate comes from Shah Mat, Persian for "the king is dead."

A baseball batter with the scoreboard indicated a 1-0 count.

Were those two ever in a movie together (Muppet of not)? I feel like the funny parts would be hilarious, the dramatic parts would have you on the edge of your seat, and the scary parts would keep you up that night.

What BBQ pit? Is it behind that small moon?

Wait a minute...that's no moon!

The bartender thinks "Horses don't know a lot about money" and charges him $12 for a domestic beer. The horse finishes it after awhile, and pays another $12 for a refill.

"Ya' know" says the bartender, "We don't get a lot of horses in here."

"I'm not surprised" replied the horse, "At twelve bucks a beer."

Some people like living in a neighborhood where all the mailboxes look the same. Some people like living in a neighborhood where the neighbors can't own chickens, a rooster or other things that get classified as livestock.

Our HOA has dues of $25 a year per house, and that covers the electricity bill to a streetlight, maintenance of the entrance structures, and property tax on a small piece of land that no individual owns but is part of our HOA. We also have a neighborhood watch.

The fact that there's an HOA is disclosed in the paperwork you sign when buying a house. You could also ask the realtor when he/she is showing you houses. Some HOAs have petty people ho put a lot of effort into getting elected to "The Board" and delight in telling people that their car is parked too close to (or too far from) the curb, or that the potted plant on their porch violates some rule. I like just having the streetlight so visitors know where to turn to get to our neighborhood.

Yeah, polygamy is having many wives, and having one wife is monotony.

I wonder if those doors are for something that can't be brought up through the stairways...something too long to go through the stairs but can fit through a door....like, a piano maybe? Then, it can be raised from the ground by a crane on the roof. Why there are steps from one door to the other, well, ya' got me there.

I worked with a guy who was a skilled "maker of special one-off things." As his hobby, he made hyper-realistic Star Wars models. Like, not just accurate physically, but had blackened battle damage, dirt and oil stains at exhaust ports and vents, etc.

Using "murder" as the act which causes no concern is a doubly delicious pun.

That's a pretty weird thing to be proud enough to share...but by strange coincidence I am weird enough to appreciate how cool that looks.

Duh. We all know it takes three licks, right?

He knows how to mend a broken heart.

Closer to the truth than you might think. When I lived there, the French government tried to convince people to stop saying "le weekend" and use "le fin de semaine," and stop using "le bulldozer" and substitute the long French phrase for earth moving machine whose name I can't recall because everyone said "le bulldozer."

"The Last Of Us" fungus makes the leap from humans to autos.