I wasn't exactly a kid when Bioware and Bethesda were in their heyday, but everything about them now STILL feels like they're shitting on my childhood.

He looks like he tastes like Skittles.

Only 40?? Git the hell offa my lawn, you damn kids!! Oh, and happy birthday.

A three-minute commercial??!? Jeez.

Never in 50 years of existence have I ever heard a guy say, "Hey Stumpy, look at them clavicles. Man, I'd like hit that! I wonder if the pelvis matches the collarbones. You know whut I'm sayin'?"