I can't stop laughing. He has such a smug look on his face.

Well not the drugs thing but I have music that makes me want to cuddle and music that makes me wanna tear down an entire building with my bear hands.

Yeah try strapping on that same equipment and putting fires out in the middle of summer. I did that for school last year.

R.I.P. Mitch Hedberg.

I don't know who she is but I will find her and I will marry her.

Hmm ok. So putting a dollop on my finger was the wrong way? I never would have known based on the fact that I rarely throw up and almost did that day.

The mad king was a product of incest. Royal families in ancient Rome and Egypt for example did the same thing.

This reminds me of the time I heard noises in our woods so my dad and I went down and checked it out and there was a dog kinda like this with a deer kinda like this in its mouth and the dog tried to charge us because it was gonna eat the deer but we scared it off and took the deer to a sanctuary but it died.

Me when I'm 24: I love everything. Except people.

I'm laughing so fucking hard right now!

That rabbits face is like "how in the fuck do I get out of this alive"

Downvoted this post because we all know everyone is shallow as fuck and the post isn't even true. No guy loves a girl for her boobs. If he says that then it's not fucking love. Sure we like them and find them sexy but at least speaking for myself they aren't the reason we date you. I like conversation and personality way more than body body parts. But if op wants to know why we like them so much, I like how smooth they are. Bring on the hate.

The only dude I've ever seen who gets older as he shaves.

This is not real. A real skeleton would be a crumpled mess because there is no muscle tone to hold it rigid or any other connective tissue to hold it together. This is plastic probably placed there to mess with people.

Oh I thought it was twins. Then again I'm pretty drunk.