Well, the Egg there is a mighty magical dick.

I love how some plans are super detailed and clearly the planners have spent a lot of time coming up with them, and others are just like "not die lol," or "join teh zombz."

The more you ruv someone the more you want to kirr dem.

R.O.U.S

"I'm a Lumbercat and I'm okay
I sleep all night and...also sleep all day"

Girl sure hit that hallelujah

The man of iron and sass told me it was so mother

I especially love that not only is it mature and comes with an entirely braille guidebook, but it also appears to cost $800.

"I am Shem Po, your personal Healthcare and feels companion. Feed me beef, pork and chicken and we shall get along very well."

Looks like he's trying to cosplay Death from Sandman

Looks like I'm moving to Sweden

Like Dav Pilkey

RUFUS CAGE

At least you can still type and see the screen

no, he's just beautiful

Booty had me like "d'aaawwww~"

Gentle persuasion

if you have a choice, shoot their butt. It's basically the only place you can get shot without the potential for all kinds of dangerous complications.

Flemeth

The Dogtor will lick you now.

Oh no

Well if he wasnt always tweeting surreally, Lenny might not have killed all those animals and The Woman.