wolframalpha.com (for homework help)

If I ever became rich, I'd make sure I didn't act snotty. I really dislike people like that.

Even that doesn't work for me. No joke, people tell me they don't like the way I chew. Apparently I chew really fast and noisily. I offend people by eating. :(

I watched it earlier today. Honestly I can't speak for minorities, but I feel like pretty much all the stuff Ryan talked about was spot on.

That tortoise is beast af.

Linda is our Savior ... All hail Linda!

Black Friday was actually a lot calmer than last year, at least where I live.

My teacher lets us use some notes in class for American Literature, but they have to be handwritten.

Even though I'm religious, personally I don't think holding signs is a good idea. Especially ones telling people to believe in Jesus or burn in hell. In my opinion that only makes God seem like a tyrannical, homicidal god.

All of a sudden, being old is quite appealing, but only in 50 years.

Are you really sorry though?

I was gonna say kill it with fire, but if that will blind you...

They gonna be the richest bar in the country!

When you're trying to permanently blind your friends. Or have astronauts see your flash from fricken Mars.

Too bad he's already f********cked.

I went to Canada recently and I can confirm ... Canadians are definitely quiter and more polite. Also neater. Step up your game America!

How does no one catch these things?

Moron. Maybe their top is broken or something.