My parents had a weird sense of humor

My therapist recommended getting a job, but I live off street tips instead

My dick has a strange smell

I'm a psychopathic fuck

I'll never find love because instead of working through my issues with a therapist, I harass people on the Internet as a form of entertainment.

Every year, for my birthday, I wish my mother had worn a condom.

I AM the Oedipus complex (look it up)

For Valentines day, I asked my 17 cats out, but they all declined and shit in my face because I'm a dick

I have no friends, so I annoy people to get the attention my mother never gave me.

I ruin people's Internet experience because I hate myself

I suck dick

I'm the douchiest douch of all time