It's my lucky day *pulls out a $20 dollar bill*

Where exactly does one hire a flock of goats? I've already checked Angie's list.

PC gamers act like they're so smart but if they are, why do they keep telling the world how much better they are now every ten year old wants a gaming computer and Steam is gonna be ruined

I like the fact the one about Jesus has a worse rating than the Godzilla one

You know someone's blazing when even their houses look stoned

I'm gonna slowly replace everyone's calculators with these

*cuts off nose*
Am I immortal yet?
*jumps off building and dies*

Batman is literally fighting an alien

I paid good money for those assassins

Faster slave! I want to get to my food dish now!

"Earth! I'm so glad you're talking to me again! Oh wait, oh."

Plot twist: it's a super tiny dog