I wanted to say something witty... But I just spent half an hour staring at my phone and willing it to give me a smart idea.

It's a kiwi graffiti!!

That subtle unmeant finger pull

You Americans are strange. But it is a nice strange. Like the sort of strange you have when you mix orange juice with cola. It looks weird but tastes like punch. I like you Americans

Honey, that's a little kid's party. You're too big, you'd scare them.

My twelve yr old sister gets really smug whenever she calls me dumb-dumb

"Shit. Oh shit. Whoops, shit. Shite. Shitsicles. Bloody idiots everywhere. Shit, again?"
~ Me while driving

The raccoon looks like my cat

Kiwi humour

That's a kiwi

Just saying, but someone else *stares pointedly at itssobig* reposted this only a few hours after you did...

Just run at the wall. Really fast. If you're lucky, you'll get out. If not, you'll have amnesia, a random pain in your arm, several emotional bruises that you can't explain, and a banana.

Recording devices quite often have a little red flashing light...