At least she got sober and didn't continue using.

Who doesn't? I don't label myself, I love men but just sometimes...girls make me wanna touch their butt!

"I love you Forests Slayer"
"I love you too Jungle King"
"I really wanna Maul something"
"OMG, I was just thinking that! You're wonderful!"

God he's just so fabulous!

"Fuck her right in the...."
Sorry :(

I forgot how to adult once and got on the wrong bus, I ended up having to sit behind the bus driver and he walked me to the correct bus handed me over to the other bus driver told him where I was going and he supervised me to my stop.

Sheldon is pure perfection!

Look at those eyes! My friend, you fking won, is what you did.

Dog: What an unrealistic expectation of the good boy!

Damnit I lost!

That's my face when I'm pooping without my phone, "Wonder if my shampoo is tested on little Chinese kids when they were making my Nikes? If so I bet thier hair is perfection! DAMNIT!!! If I had my phone, I could Google Chinese children...but then I'd probably get into trouble. Ohhh..that's what they mean by too much internet isn't good for me."

Until I'm sitting in front of it until the cops show up just gazing at it's magnificence.

I just start off job interviews with, "It's so fucking great that you called me when I was already wearing pants!"

Ok so I was in the Congo, and it was pitch black outside I swear I could hear something right behind me breathing...

Fuck you death I'll pass when I want!