'Tidy your room.'

Pooh is just standing at the front looking completely indifferent like "yup, same sh*t all over again. Every single day."

I too know people who turn into giant teddy bears when drunk and trying to go home

What if no one knows how to read and we are all just memorising words.... O.O

Touch my phone and you forfeit your life.

Recycled trees!

When my sister was little she cute her hair in big chunks really short and she and to have it shaved off. One day with her hair only slightly grown back she worse a dress down the street. A little girl with her mum pointed at my sister and said look mummy, a boy in a dress. My sister turns round and yells at the little girl "IM NOT A BOY!"

I like to keep my abs with a protective layer over them so no harm will come to them.

I will be writing 2014 until at least September-October when I will finally get the hang of writing 2015 only to have it change to 2016 a couple of months later.

'Get out of my f**ken tree David'

Oh! The supermarket down the road from my house has recently started putting coins in your hand and then notes and receipt and I swear it is the best even though I still just shove it in my wallet and fast walk away.

They did this just to to promote August 31st as vegetable day?

If I was him, I'd run before those girls could get their hands on him.

Yes! We have Lord of the rings!