Me when my friends ask how my new goldfish is doing

You could say she's... Precious... ;)

But counting children as technically American citizens so...

Did Steven king say this or was he quoting someone?

It's shoulders look like those of a man doing push ups

Are you sure Uranus is odorless? Or has it been overdoing it with the summers Eve again?

I thought this was going in a completely different direction then you restored my faith in humanity

I'm gonna call bs on that, that thing is needle felted.

I went to church once for my grandmothers baptism, and they told me the same exact bullshit. So I showed up in my usual black on black with the usual combat boots, eyeliner, everything. Same shit I wear every day and IVE NEVER GOTTEN MORE GLARES FROM MORE PEOPLE IN MY WHOLE LIFE PACKED INTO ONE HOUR. And that was the last time I went to church.

Remember those blending pens? Those ones where you smash regular lens together?

What are you Canadian? Ain't nobody got time for that!

Because he wants it to be a fair fight? Isn't that more honorable to fight your opponent with the same weapon they use? You don't bring a gun to a knife fight, your just an unfair asshole if you do that.

His eyebrow game hella strong tho

Nathan and Simon!!!!!!