"Did you just spank me daddy?"
"What!?"
"What?"

I'm gonna hand out my mix tape.

Ask if he enjoyed the show. Now it's weird for the both of you and it will never be spoken of again.

Whiskey and lard...ah the good old days

Oprah has never been more delicious

Still A lifetime

Saved by the pole

Gotta appreciate livestock that also get their chores done

I love your bum

It even cuts through aluminum cans!

"Do you understand what I'm saying? At all? Does any of this make any sense? Just tell me, 'Yes'.""Okay. What you're doing there is jumping. You just... you just jumped. But nevermind. Say 'Apple'. 'Aaaapple.'"

Wasted!

Maybe he goes by Satana now.

All those Adele songs

I miss Obama. The world is a pretty messed up place

I only said it that way so I would be able to absolve myself

Well... this is going to take a while.

We've all been there..

Infertility is a side effect. The marketing team knew what they were doing.

nice try Cheryl

that's why I live in a van down by the river.

My precious...

"This better not end up on Facebook"

Wars were fought over less.