0-100 real quick

I know it isn't spelled right shaddap

why is this a think.

What show is this from?

leik dis if u crie evry tiem

Anyone else ever drop their phone, and while trying to catch it start kinda "Juggling" it in an effort to catch it?

I was a stripper once, I worked in this place called the Helipad. It was pretty nice, there was this one guy there named Johnston, I think he was from Ireland or something, always talked about his time in the war. One of his stories really talked to me, so after hearing it I went home and slept, as I fell asleep I felt a hand on me, it was my cat. Ashtray told "Hey there Pastrami, its the first day of school" so I was like okay cool, I packed up my stuff and went to kindergarden. It sucked, this one kid stole my Animal crackers and said I couldn't play with them.

There was this one time when I went to France, just to see the Mona Lisa. So we land in the airport and (I was with my pal Francis) we decided to go grab a bit to eat. So we go and call a taxi, and tell him we wanna eat somewhere, so he starts talking about this great restaurant he eats at all the time. So we're "like okay yeah, lets go." So as we go over to this wonderful place, the taxi starts getting shot at. The driver yells something along the lines of "Omelete Du Fromage!" and takes a sharp turn, he drives off a ramp, and into an office building, now me and Francis are having aneurisms in the back because this is the coolest thing ever. Anyways so in the end we were deported.

So one time when I was walking my dog I had this weird craving for chili. This craving increased throughout the night, so at 3 am, me and a mate of mine went out for some chili. Now all of the restraunt , and grocery stores were closed at this time of night, so we decided to go to The Place. The Place was on the far side of town, the side of town where if you part your car, you'll come back and find it missing four tires, the bumper, and all of the paint. Anyways so me and my friend John went over to The Place, now my fight or flight sensors were off the charts, so I was ready to run faster than a rabbit with tabasco in its anus. We approached the steps to the place, and my friend trips, so I take off running. Im panting, running as fast as I can at 3 am, then I trip. I lie there face down, accepting the fact that I'm going to do by some murderer who is going to bash my head in with a brick. Turns out it was my friend, who tripped over a stick at a velocity that sent it flying to me.