Steve came home. “Hey Dave, so my mother texted – Oh my god!” There, pale and mildly-overweight, wearing nothing but his underwear, curled up in a fetal position, rocking back and forth on a soiled floor, was a very distraught Dave. Upon closer inspection, the floor was actually covered in the fragments of hundreds of dismembered Oreos. Dave looked up at Steve, his eyes puffy and squinting in uncontrollable tears. In a sadly manic voice, punctuated by sporadic sobs and gasps the he said “It works. The lifehack really works.”

The sun is not on fire. Things can only catch fire in the presence of oxygen, and that element does not exist in the sun. Instead it is undergoing nuclear fusion, turning hydrogen into helium.

Obama's shirt is an unamused panda. Just saying.

I do not think this is fair. Now I live in the comfort of the first world, and I must admit that the issues this region faces are minute with respect to the atrocities that exist in other, less-developed worlds, but just because there exists a worse circumstance, that does not make these issues trivial – and certainly that does not make them moot. For instance, the effects of domestic violence are more likely and often more serious among women than men; the same goes for eating disorders. These are very real and very dangerous problems in this high and mighty land, and while I admit that we should not focus on them to the exclusion of other more-serious problems, we should by no means do the reciprocal.

This is tragic. That child does not know he is wearing each shoe on the wrong foot.