Well I was going to spend my salary on stuff to combat my acne, but this ad has successfully convinced me I should buy a vibrator instead.

That must be a really long dolphin to have photobombed your picture with both his/her head and tail.

"I've heard this sermon literally over a million times. I've almost memorized it by now. You, on the other hand, could do with some schooling." - god.

And what if our ancestors were originally loaded into that ship as punishment because they were deemed too useless, unintelligent, and childish to continue hampering the progress of their own planet?

The enemy fleet came into view. There were dozens of frigates, each threatening by its own right. And then, at the core of this fleet of giants, there was the colossus, a massive dreadnought that outclassed anything that had ever been engineered in this quadrant of the galaxy. The defensive fleet fired. A wall of projectiles traveled towards the enemy. A few frigates received enough damage that they detonated and drifted away as useless hulls. And the colossus took some fire too; missiles went out on their trajectory, shrunk to nothing from the perspective of the human eye, and then an orange glow lit up the casing of that gargantuan ship. It did not balk in the slightest. Three tons of explosive looked like firecrackers as they intercepted the colossus. Then the enemy retaliated. The shrapnel of the defending outpost and fleet was discovered four days later in orbit over the planet.

So I am certainly a funsubstance commenter. But how does the creator work? Does the creator have an account in reddit, 4chan, tumblr, i.f.u.n.n.y, funsubstance, ect. and then he or she posts the material to each of these communities? Or does the creator merely choose one or two of these sites to post to, and then simply relies on others to disseminate this material to other sites via reposting? In the case of the latter, would funsubstance alone make a good place to post original works? (p.s. for those of you not aware of this fact, funsubstance will not let me type out i.f.u.n.n.y. without the periods.)

And then she broke her leg and had to be taken out back and shot. The horse, however, is still alive and enjoying a happy, healthy life in Hamilton, Montana.

So I think people should view this gif as a real time event, not just a looped time frame. Mugi steals the strawberry, but the cake, moved by the tears of Mio and wishing to console her, creates another one; then, just as the Mio is about to accept the cake's offering of consolation, Mugi once more swoops in and takes the strawberry. And the process repeats again, each recurrence without any defensive action on the part of Mio; she just continually fails to prevent Mugi from stealing the strawberry. This chain of events goes on for quite some time until Mio uses the fork to viciously murder Mugi. The cake then says, "good, use your aggressive feelings, girl. Let the hate flow through you"; and thus, a new Sith is born.

Sure, when this boyfriend goes out and talks to his girlfriend's dead mother, it's cute. But when I don my warlock robes, go out alone on a chilly night bathed in the mystic light of a full moon, and speak to the corpses in indecipherable tongues, then I'm not cute; I'm suddenly a Satanist.

Professor responsible for lecturing a room of 300+ people: Gettin' real tired of your shit, newbie.

But if the shape of the ass is defined by the function "y=ax^2+bx+c" (we are examining a cross-sectional of the ass, hence the lack of 3-dimensional calculation) then the change in slope of that curve is "y=mx+b." Discuntiq is therefore right and the function he/she provides will calculate the slope of the ass at any given value for "x."

Possibly the child's first birthday and Ghostbuster's II are the same. I believe this kid was the one who Vigo the Carpathian attempted to commandeer as a vehicle of destruction.

You haven't been told this yet, but your father died saving your mother from a murderous machine. But don't worry, you'll meet him again; you see, he hasn't been born yet. And, in fact, the only reason he became your father was because was he was sent back in time. And you will be the one to send him too. You are John Connor.

No wonder people are getting fat nowadays. There are no more saber tooth tigers.