As a guitarist, I have never once thought to play at a party. Then again, I also don’t shove my music down anyone’s throat like a bunch if douches do in my area. The musicians here are so bad, that when I was living with my gf at the time, I would come home from work and one if her friends would be playing my guitars...and staring at me while they did simple pinches and arpeggios. They stared as if I was supposed to call them the greatest. Guitarists are some of the most annoying assholes on the planet. So yes, if you see someone playing a guitar at a party, you should punt them into a woodchipper.

I am the Lorax, the bees are on their knees,
because you are fucking them, just like you fuck trees. Don’t make me do the same to you, it won’t be pleasant, I have a 10 incher on me, you low-class peasant. So leave those trees alone, I won’t tell you twice, or you’ll never be able to sit down right. I am the mighty one, the big bad Lorax, and if you’re not careful, I’ll fuck your thorax.

How to describe red to a blind person: “you know that image you see all the time, the one with the funky, congruent shapes? Well, that says “error”, and it’s in red.”

I think drowning would be less painful overall...people who have drowned and then resuscitated afterwards claim the last few seconds are quite peaceful.

You guys don’t want to see the “other” version of this...trust me, this is the good one.

“He was so cool, he didn’t even squeal”

Rolling fetish dice...result: placing coins over various orifices. Rolling cult dice...result: eating flannel in secret.

See, I actually have that problem myself, with women. I’m 6’ and have a very healthy build (mostly muscle, but not overbearing where it dominates my looks). Whenever I work out, I hate the thought of having women stare at me because of how I’m a moniker of good health. Some of you may find this “role-reversal” comical, but I assure you, it’s not. I have a fiancée I’m very happy with, and these women just make me uncomfortable. Last night at work, some girls came through the restaurant where I work, and said out loud that I was cute as I walked by. I hate it. I understand how women feel when they’re objectified. It’s a dirty, inadequate feeling. I live in WI where everyone is drunk all the damn time, and women are super forward.

Accually...less inclined to take this seriously.

Yeah, let’s kill the innocent and traumatized! What the fuck.

This is fine.

I think Devil May Cry