Fookin' eediot!

He picked up Amenadiel having a human moment.

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Genuinely, this is actually true. Not because it's a Burger King specifically, but because NO other nation comes even close to the US's overseas deployment capabilities. The global logistic deployment system that they have in place is truly singular, since every other nation's military is geared towards either invasion (of neighbours), or invasion protection (from neighbours).

What a good boss, knowing all his employee's names.

This is from The Elements by Theodore Gray; one of the best science books of all time.
It goes through the history, primary uses, and random facts of every element on the table (at the time of publishing) in an easily comprehensible to a layperson way, and has many hilarious quotes.
Also every single photo of an element (or use of that element) is take from the author's personal collection.

Celsius users: choose how you want to die.

They were not, in fact, ready.

Justin Bieber

Nothing quite like a sense of pride an accomplishment to keep you grinding!

• makes you sound toxic and undatable

Every night in my dreams
I see you, I feel you

This guy would be 54 years old now; either the sheer force of meme is rejuvenating him, or that's not him in the pic.

That car almost hit me.
I almost went bankrupt.
I almost forgot to set my alarm.
Works both ways :/

I'm trying to take pictures of spiderman, but i'm dummy thicc, and the clap of my asscheeks keeps alerting the menace!

Dog version of not being able to walk right after a date went very well.

When I send an email, it auto sorts receivers alphabetically. Can they get mad at each other's names?

Unless you spent upwards of $100,000 on an IMAX camera to film your wedding, the footage would actually look kinda mediocre on an IMAX screen. Would be a waste of a good opportunity to watch the 1999 cinematic masterpiece, The Mummy with Brendan Fraser and Rachel Weisz, which wasn't filmed on IMAX either, but it would still be an opportunity to watch the 1999 cinematic masterpiece, The Mummy with Brendan Fraser and Rachel Weisz, which only someone who hasn't seen the 1999 cinematic masterpiece, The Mummy with Brendan Fraser and Rachel Weisz would pass up.

boi's got some nice legs

There's an excellent song about her called Majesty by Ben Moon/Veela.

The Paarthurnax Dilemma