Aphelion

aphelion


— Aphelion Report User
Sounds kind of awesome 17 comments
aphelion · 15 weeks ago
Good. That's bought me a little breathing room. But we're not anywhere close to done yet. I still have at least $500,000 left. I'm going to invest it into solid business ventures and slow growing but secure assets. We're building a fortune - And who cares if it takes a few centuries? I'm frickin' immortal baby!
But as I develop my fortune, it's getting invested into space. SpaceX, asteroid mining projects, whatever. I am trapped on the one planet in the entire universe where I can actually die, and I have no intention of staying there.
Over the millennia, I slowly apply my fortune and influence to push mankind to the stars. And the moment living on another planet becomes viable, I'm there. And the instant a habitable planet is around another star? I'm on the first generation ship heading that direction.
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Sounds kind of awesome 17 comments
aphelion · 15 weeks ago
Now we make sure that damn thing stays shut. I find the nearest metal refinery and call them up. I also contract with a heavy machinery moving company to move the tungsten sphere to the refinery. Once the refinery has sintered the tungsten sphere shut, I buy an entire industrial crucible (those big buckets) of molten iron. And the crucible the iron came in. I have them drop the tungsten sphere into the molten iron, and let the whole mass cool in place. Mr. Snaily snail ain't going anywhere, but I'm probably down another $100,000.
Now I'm on the phone to specialist movers. Chartering a boat. We're taking this thing halfway around the word. We take the boat right over the marianas trench - Not the deepest point, but deep enough - We push the whole assembly over the side. Literal tons of once-molten iron, refinery crucible, tungsten, salt, and snail slip over the side and begin dropping into the briny deep. Another $100,000 gone, but well worth the cost.
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Sounds kind of awesome 17 comments
aphelion · 15 weeks ago
Once the tungsten ball arrives, I have my friend stand well away from me and transfer the snail into the center of the sphere. I ask them to pour a little salt down into the hole after it, just to give the snail a little reminder of who he's dealing with. Once snail and salt are both inside, we seal the hollow sphere with the bolts.
Tungsten is an amazing material. Incredibly tough, dense, and heat-resistant. You could drop it into molten lava and it wouldn't matter. Which, coincidentally, is almost what I'd like to do next.
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Sounds kind of awesome 17 comments
aphelion · 15 weeks ago
Once the snail is temporarily secured, I ask my friend to carry around the box, never letting it out of their sight, and to prevent its opening with as much force as is required. We arrive at some reasonable figure for this service - Maybe $50,000.
Now we can start in on the real work. I'm on the phone again, contracting with a tungsten machining service out of Willowbrook, IL. I ask them to construct for me a hollow tungsten sphere with a small, sealable opening, ideally via both exterior bolts and sintering. I ask them for a rush job and a thick wall depth, perhaps as much as a foot thick. The spherical shape should keep material costs as low as possible for a given thickness, but between the unusual object, large amount of tungsten, and speedy delivery, I invest a truly insane amount into this project - Let's say $100,000. I ask them to deliver it to my current location as fast as possible.
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Sounds kind of awesome 17 comments
aphelion · 15 weeks ago
Ok, let's do this.
First things first - That million dollars is practically worthless compared to immortality. Ever dime of that cash can and should be spent ensuring that the snail never, ever reaches me.
First things first, I keep an eye on him. It's tempting to want to hop on a plane or a train and get as far away as possible. But once I do that, he's gone and I'll never see him again until 3am on July 14th, 2072, when the sneaky little cuss slips in the door and slimes onto me before I ever wake up and notice him No, I'm going to be within visual distance of the snail, slowly moving away from it, until Snail Containment Plan Part A is done.
Next I grab my phone. I call up someone I can trust with my life, and tell them to come to my location within the hour, and to bring a metal cash box, a good padlock, and a firearm. Once they arrive, I inform them of the deal and ask them to grab the snail, shove it into the metal box, and lock it up.
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I would do the same 7 comments
aphelion · 15 weeks ago
Toe Bean!
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@The Witcher 5 comments
aphelion · 15 weeks ago
Yeah, the USPS simulator is real.
I tended to find other fun ways to amuse myself like messing with mules by nicking their trucks and driving them into places they couldn't reach, or trying to ride a trike straight through the middle of BT zones.
It helps that my brain basically shut down during the downtime and I found it quite relaxing.
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@The Witcher 5 comments
aphelion · 15 weeks ago
Death Stranding
Finally found it 5 comments
aphelion · 15 weeks ago
All sidewalks lead to [SIDEWALK ENDS].
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I have already spent an hour 3 comments
aphelion · 15 weeks ago
r/Mirrorsforsale/
Tacky heavenly brawny Sheep 8 comments
aphelion · 16 weeks ago
I wouldn't put it past the genie to screw with those wishes too. After millennia of people bitching that their seemingly selfless wish had unintended consequences, I'd wager broad reaching wishes would carry just as much screw potential as any other wish, rudely made, self serving, or otherwise.
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Sedative 3 comments
aphelion · 16 weeks ago
To be fair, that father looks in a far more "hitting" than "talking" mood.
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The Elons are universe hopping 1 comments
aphelion · 16 weeks ago
youtu dot be/Zi8sQUQDzXM?t=85
Link to see him actually say it.
Auto correct 2 comments
aphelion · 16 weeks ago
Pro Tip, if you can't/don't wait to disable or modify auto correct, you can "teach" it words by naming contacts with the words you want it not to touch.
Which is why I am acquaintances with the venerable "Sir Fuck Fucking Fucker Shit Bitch Asshole Zzzz"
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Whomst is asking? 1 comments
aphelion · 16 weeks ago
The voices are real, and they're saying...




DO YOU HEAR THE PEOPLE SING?
McDonald’s' in New Zealand are in old airplanes 4 comments
aphelion · 17 weeks ago
I love how the title can imply that EVERY McDonald's in NZ is in an old airplane.
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Otter babies 3 comments
aphelion · 17 weeks ago
Flesh worms
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The 1960's were not know for their safety standards 4 comments
aphelion · 18 weeks ago
936 is its kill count
Unfair, poorly designed boss mechanics 1 comments
aphelion · 18 weeks ago
It's about fairness, not equality.
You get regen, they get tankiness. Comes out to about the same effective health.
Probably :/
Stronks 2 comments
aphelion · 18 weeks ago
What are you talking about, what we got was a disaster compared to what it COULD HAVE BEEN.
The Windows 10 wallpaper was not CGI, allegedly 3 comments
aphelion · 18 weeks ago
So I tried to find the source for this and I ended up on a video titled "Windows 10 Hero Desktop Image - Behind the Scenes" on the channel "Signum Game Studio." This looked very promising but I couldn't watch it because youtube kept crashing about 2 seconds into the video. This has never happened before and it seems to only be this ONE video.
If anyone else can find an try it, let me know if it works for you.

I found what I think is a reupload of it though, and it does seem they did this with actual cameras and lights, which is pretty cool.
To the placeeee 18 comments
aphelion · 18 weeks ago
TAKE ME HOME
To the placeeee 18 comments
aphelion · 18 weeks ago
WEST VIRGINIA
To the placeeee 18 comments
aphelion · 18 weeks ago
WEST VIRGINIA
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It gives us the knife 1 comments
aphelion · 19 weeks ago
Everybody gangsta until claymore roomba.
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