Thomas Alfred Jones is the baddest badass to ever badass

'Babe I got hurt at work and Alexa drove me to the hospital. I might need my leg amputated and I could die'
'Who the fuck is Alexa?!'

This dog deserves an apology

Me in the beginning of the school year

That dog needs an apology

It's so true it hurts

When the cops ask why that guy is ass naked singing the intro to Hannah Montana on a statue of Jesus, don't come to me.

I didn't notice for a second

Oh for the love of god someone please tell me he didn't get that tattooed onto his face? He could've gotten a flamingo, or a pineapple but a pizza? Unoriginal.

That last one fucked me up

When you're the only one who saw the fight

I am Cuban, I just need a person from Iceland

It took me a second to realize what I was looking at..

Damn. I can barely make a paper snowflake.

I read that in his voice

The double V reminds me of Soos from Gravity Falls..

It would be pitch black, because there is no light source

God has chosen Ireland

God damn it Jeff

No wonder why when I'm trying to sleep my mind is just like 'haha no. Here, this is how you could've solved question 15 on your test' but during the test it's like 'Ching Chong, llama llama ding dong'

This would be dirty if he shat himself.

When life gives you tiny lemons..

That's a LOT of body paint