Well, of course, deafness counts as a disability.

People have been saying that too much TV is bad for decades. Did you just wake up from a coma?

"Hey, hey, hey, a RADIOACTIVE rock! That thing fucken hurts."

Well, you got a cartoon out of it.

Can't you just check it with the rest of the luggage?

"Same thing as you, without the sex or drugs."

Turn over.

Try doing that to a bear.

Do you drink that hot or cold?

And yet Kellogg's and Post used to have plastic and metal toys loose in the cereal in the fifties and sixties, so did Crackerjack until they replaced them with those stupid stickers.

I'll have to try that.

Men don't want to smell like flowers and fruit any more than women want to smell like leather and pipe tobacco. Are women's egos fragile because they don't buy Old Spice and other products for men?

"What is this, a restroom for ants?"

Screw the 20 cent difference and take the heavier one.

He needs those for back support.

I'm sure I couldn't afford it.

In other news, Superman is dead for good this time. "We really mean it!" -DC

Is his name Grommit?

I'm more offended by "phased" (fazed)

He just wants workers to build his pyramid.

I wonder if it bothers him that his daughter gained a lot more mass than he did without all the work.

I think the crows leave a trinket hoping the girl won't notice that they "stole" the food.