What would you like to discuss in particular? Cause as you probably know, all the effects of an abusive relationship on the brain are negative

Edit Title- Where the guy is a victim*
So, the victim is a guy (I have never witnessed a guy in an abusive relationship, just heard stories). He works at a computer class where my mom goes, she is learning computers, because not knowing computers hinders with her spying on me (kidding, it's a work thing). Anyway, I go to deliver lunch to her almost everyday and there's this guy. He is really sweet, more than average handsome, extremely polite and all those things that make you likeable. A few days back tho, I saw him with his girlfriend, they were fighting, he was trying to calm her down and she was just shouting at him. I thought it was a normal fight until, she hit him. She FUCKING HIT HIM AND HE JUST STOOD THERE. He just stood there and she walked away. I thought he must have fucked up real bad, but when I asked him what was the matter he shrugged it off saying, "She often does that" and that slap was just for being unable to pick her up from work a day before because he was stuck

In his own office. He told me other instances when she hit him over trivial reasons. And the worse part is they are moving in together and away from this area. I tried to reason with him but he wouldn't listen. He said that, "You're single and you haven't found love yet, so you wouldn't understand what it's like." He got pissed on me. I also talked about this with my mom and now I am not allowed to deliver her lunch or to talk to this said guy. All I can do is discuss with you guys.

Pissed at me*

Alright well, that's a shitty situation for that guy. The main problem with any abusive relationship where one partner is abused is they don't know how toxic it is until they are out of it. It's usually caused by extreme low self-esteem and because they are victimised and demoralised so often, they soon believe that they are indeed deserving of abuse when it is handed to them. Every case is different, in this instance to me it sounds as if this poor guy honestly believes she loves him and he puts his love for her over his own well being. Never a good idea. I think it's good you've talked to him, he might not listen but any sign that his relationship is toxic will help. I'm sorry you had to witness that as well cause it's awful and even worse when they don't know the danger they're in. I'd say it's particularly difficult for men as they are usually seen as the "strong" one, or in most cases the abuser rather than the abused. Abuse is wrong, doesn't matter who you are, it's not okay.

As a female that has been in multiple abusive relationships (until I found myself worth), I can agree that it’s usually about lack of confidence and self-esteem, but it generally does not begin as a bad relationship. It often times starts out being a very nice relationship that has a lot of good moments with a few snide remarks thrown in. That confuses the brain. In my experience, guys would start out sweet and kind and would slowly change into the threatening and violent person I no longer recognized. And unfortunately I defended them more times than I choose to count. I had my daughter with my first husband and it turned violent after she was born. He went to jail and I got custody. He has since grown the hell up and is actually being a great father. My second husband and I had a son. He still tries to control everything in regards to our son but he cannot and it angers him to the point that I have a protective order in place. I am on my third marriage and my current husband is

From my personal experiences, I've found that confidence is a factor to it. Where you are low on confidence, you'll be with anyone who shows you any signs of "happiness"... you make your life about them. And anything they do wrong? They'll just remind you how "lucky" you are that they are dating you... eventually you believe it yourself. And accept the things they do. Then you start defending them to the friends you have... And you might lose your friends, but it's okay because you have her.
Your life becomes all about her, and there's no other place to turn. So you accept the pain, the hurt and the hell you go through... just to get a bit of that "happiness" you felt when you first dated her.

An extremely kind man. There is no other evil side- he’s constantly trying to boost my self-confidence and make me feel better about myself. After so many years I’ve been told that you’re worthless it takes a long time to fully see yourself as you originally did. I hope the guy at your moms work gets help, abusive relationships are nothing to joke about. (Unfortunately most guys that are in an abusive relationship will never seek help.)

I love all the points Mae has made but I just wanted to expand on what Shrek said cause I see that a lot. I myself have pushed friends away to keep someone I loved happy, I didn't want to accept the fact that I had chosen a person who was, as a whole, not a good person. It almost makes you feel like you fucked up and obviously it's your fault because you should've seen it sooner, whereas you couldn't have because they only reveal that side of themselves when you are essentially "trapped" in self doubt, confusion and guilt. It is SO important to breakup a toxic relationship early, even if you believe that your partner, a person you love, is good, question yourself. If they show behaviour that you believe could lead to something dangerous talk to them about it. A big big rule I live by is "it is not what happens but how they react to it that matters", how do they react when you do something wrong? do they address the problem, or go after you? Always be aware that people are complex.

I definitely agree that it's about self-esteem. *sighs* I just wanted to help him y'all. But he wouldn't listen.

It's one of those things where you try once and then sit back and let them deal with it. You tried and now it's up to him to change things or leave them as they are.

It sucks but until they find their self-worth they won’t find be able to make the changes to their life to truly be happy.

I agree, you did your best Spooky but this is a very personal problem. He won't believe and wont want to believe that you're correct, this would make him have to face all the insecurities and issues that come along with an abusive relationship and the aftermath of healing and slowly coming to terms with what he faced and how it changed him.