Thanks @xvarnah you were super helpful

I was an angry individual myself. I’m not going to spill out my life story, but you could label it as a tragedy. I’ve only recently been able to calm myself of my past. It is a skill you need to build. Keep still in a dark room until you no longer see red from something. Work yourself to relieve that pain...make some art, go on a walk...the point is, you will need to find things to do in lieu of getting angry. Don’t ignore your anger, and don’t fight it. You will need to learn to breathe. You won’t change until you nail these fundamentals, and even then it could take years before you see real results. Sometimes, the hardest part about things is that the past doesn’t let us go, not the other way around. Sorry I’m advance if someone already has said something like this, I saw what you said and felt the need to jump in on this asap. You can do this!

I'm a trauma specialist so I'll try to help as much as I can or just lend a friendly ear. First of all, it's very common for things to resurface years after the fact so don't feel bad about that. The very first thing you should do is learn some relaxation techniques. When panic comes on, you need to practice breathing methods to calm your body's response. There are different strategies online so find one that works for you, and practice it so you can remember even in a panicked state. Next time, to notice what triggers your panic or rage - it may not be obvious, but noticing can help you be prepared for the feelings so they don't overwhelm you. Also, consider speaking to a therapist if you feel that this is impacting your life.

@xvarnah pretty much covered up everything. You are a strong person @pbachman21. You must be wondering why? It ia because you came out and shared your story like the fearless daredevil you are. I understand that you might not have control on your panic attacks but you definitely are braver than that. Everytime this hapens to you try thinking of the best memory of your childhood or of somebody you love and what you would like to gift them on their birthday this time. If this is too much work, I suggest you count to 50 and by then a little portion of you would be calm and better to handle the situation. You are one of the most amazing persons I know now. Tell yourself you are stronger than your emotions every day, I hope this will make you more powerful when they set in.

Okay if there's anything I've learnt from my life experiences its this: try make a pros list as everything we go through makes us stronger! To name a few things, you are now more aware of your emotions, your body and brain are bringing this back because now that you are older you are more capable of working through what happened so long ago so this is good it's the start of your journey to letting this trauma not be so influential in your life. Rather than focusing on all the bad things you say stemmed from this experience, focus on the good things and the lessons from it so that you see yourself as walking away from this with a set of skills and a new mindset rather than as a broken person because you are far from broken, look at how strong you are reaching out to your community and acknowledging that you needed help [as I'm someone who tends to bottle up my emotions and never really ask for help I find this an incredible feat and I am so very proud of you for doing this!]
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I am also incredibly awed at how you told us your story and went through the entire experience again. That must've been hard and I am incredibly proud of you for getting through it. This is something I have always found to be a big help is to write my experiences down even if it's just bullet points it's just so good to get things out of your system and often by retelling a story you gain a different perspective and notice things you hadn't before. It also means that you are taking this experience out if your mind and into the physical world, getting it out of your system. I really like what @xvarnah said about writing letters to the people that hurt you as you can get it off of your chest and once again it can literally just be bullet points or little scribbles of what they did and how you see them
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This helps get it out of your mind [I find that if I do something in my mind it just replays over and over again and again but when I write things down my brain knows that I've got it down somewhere else and so it stops replaying it all the time because I know that if I want to look at it I can simply look at the paper I wrote it down on. It greatly helps to free up some space in your mind] [if that makes any sense, forgive me for I'm not always good at expressing myself through words]
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I wanted to say that with regards to you commonly feeling angry and crying often this is not a bad thing! When we get cut and feel pain it's the bodies way of telling us that there's something wrong and needs fixing. The mind is pretty much the same, if you're feeling overly emotional or depressed [emotional pain] it's the mind's way of telling you that there's something wrong and needs fixing. It so important to feel your emotions and to recognize them as they are there for a reason
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Don't be ashaimed of what you are feeling as it's completely necessary and it's your body's way of dealing with things. As for crying that is probably something to embrace. It's a physical way of getting things out of your system and studies show that tears are full of chemicals that help us. That's why after crying you feel sleepy and calm, it's your body flushing out bad chemicals as well as releasing good ones that calm you down and make you feel a bit better [and the sleepy factor could also be due to the physical toll crying takes on us]
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I really hope that everything everyone has said will help because you are so worth it and you deserve so much! Once again I'm so proud of you and I'm pretty inspired too to start sorting through my own stuff.
You are such a wonderful person and don't forget that that's what you are, a person so try not to be too hard on yourself. You are doing such an incredible job and I believe in you! I love you and I hope that you feel better

I’m sorry this happened to you. Some teachers are awful and don’t really care about their students. I don’t have much advice to give but That’s because everyone else has done such a good job at it. I hope everything gets better!

@pbachman21 I hope it helped, if even a little. It sounds like you've been battling these issues for a long time, so anything we can do to help the healing is worthwhile. It looks like unicycle has some insight on some of the more practical ways to help cope, and which is good since everything I say is merely perspective, so it's good to see someone trained offering insight. I'm sorry my hands are still a mess so I'm keeping this a bit shorter than before
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I really like the points @savage_demmigod made, though, and as @who_cares said as well it takes a lot of strength and bravery to be able to say "this happened to me. This hurt me. And I need help." A lot of people can't or won't do it. I realize in hindsight I was addressing the anger more than the panic, but I think what the others suggested also helps cover that. If you want more ideas for coping during panic attacks I'd be happy to try and find some resources for you

I think recitation or misdirection is a good place to start if you're having an in-the-moment experience where you can't easily do some other activity like playing a game or such. Demmigod had a good suggestion with the birthdays. I don't have panic attacks, but sometimes when I feel emotionally overwhelmed I'll try and recite lyrics in my head, or the dialogue from a comedy skit or something similar. It doesn't always work completely, but it can help sometimes.
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Also don't be afraid if you're on the phone or such to say either "can you hang on a minute?" Or "can I call you back in a few minutes?" And just take a moment. Do some deep breathing (try not to hunch over), walk a few laps around your house. I've heard of some people chewing ice or even laying ice packs across their stomachs or such.
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Also remember: this isn't an instant fix. But with time and practice whatever method you'd find should begin to make some difference. It won't be perfect-- there will still be situations

Where you may not be able to calm down well enough, or it make take a long time to do so. But try not to let that discourage you. The first thing to be able to do is recognize when you're having a rage/panic attack. Identifying it consistently is key. Once you can do that, you'll be able to respond more efficiently

I almost forgot-- if you don't mind the smell and aren't allergic you can also try putting a small amount (like drops) lavender oil (or there are other options) on your clothes to help relax your brain when you know or suspect you might be going into a situation likely to trigger stress, or just inhale some. The coping techniques are far more important, but I know a lot of people have benefited from aromatherapy for stress and anxiety so I thought it worth mentioning

Well xvarnah our helped me see that they may not have been doing it out of spite for me, but rather they saw they messed up and tried to cover their tracks but ended up making it worse. And I suppose that’s calmed me a little bit. It kind of helps to flip the perspective to change the situation. I do it all the time like if I’m being bullied or someone’s snapped at me I think that maybe they’ve just had a bad day or something went wrong at home and I don’t hold any resent towards the person. I just haven’t done it for this situation because I hate thinking about it.

@xvarnah I‘m so sorry I‘m late. I was hoping to respond when I had the chance to type a lot.
@pbachman21 I‘m in an emotional mess with my family right now and can‘t really think straight at the moment. I don‘t know if I can help. Everyone seems to have said it all. Although I may not have been in your exact situation, I know how it feels to be vulnerable and get that attacked. I won‘t advice aim at forgetting it. That doesn‘t always seem to work. @xvarnah ‘s advice is great. I‘m glad she helped so much.

@aviva it's okay, like I said no one was obligated to respond-- I just wanted to give people the opportunity since chats get buried so quickly. Please just look after yourself right now-- I hope you're doing okay

@xvarnah Ok. I hope to be fine by tomorrow. I wish I was doing ok. This is about pbach. I do not want to change the topic.

I hope both of you do well and have a great day @pbachman21 and @aviva

I‘m sure we‘ll be fine

Do you feel the same fear with texting? That might be a better option in terms of communication with your current teachers.