parisqeen · 7 weeks ago
Maybe tell them how you feel, age shouldn't prevent anyone from having fun and it certainly doesn't change the personality they liked. You're still a person they enjoyed chatting too, maybe when they get older they'll realise age isn't really a barrier for friendships. They'll be 36 one day too. I would start by asking them what makes them worried or feel awkward when talking to you? Try and figure out why your age is something so daunting to them. For some people though, it does take age to reach that maturity level in which they can understand your perspective. Or, you could always use your age as a part of your character, become "the wise one" and show off your wisdom to the kiddos, become a motherly figure cause maybe that'll help them feel more comfortable. Stay true to you though.
creativedragonbaby · 7 weeks ago
Yeah you can use your age as a Dumbledore type deal.
Nah, but seriously Paris had some good tips. Age shouldn’t really affect how you’ve been getting along so far.
lihea · 7 weeks ago
I also feel like age is not that big of a deal as long as you can treat each other as equals then a friendship is possible. I have friends that are younger, some that are older and some that are around my age and this has really never been an issue with any of them before.
It does seem to be an issue here and I'm not sure why. My DM is starting to make a lot of passive aggressive comments like "Oh, you can walk up stairs? I thought you're so old that you have knee problems." or " Oh things are cool until old people start doing it, then it becomes lame."
Idk why she'd act this way, especially since we have a 40+ in our group (who also looks 40+) and no one's been saying anything passive aggressive to him...
This whole thing is weird to me, and I thought I'd get the perspective of some of the younger ppl here to see how they'd feel about a situation like this. Just to gain some perspective, because i'm SO confused!!
lihea · 7 weeks ago
I wonder if the issue is that I look like i'm in my 20's and that I was able to join them in joking about meme's? Maybe that made my DM think i'm pandering or something?
I have no idea...
parisqeen · 7 weeks ago
I think your DM's response is really childish and honestly, sounds like they're bullying you. The main thing that bugs me is who the hell thinks 36 is old?!
I would try and ignore your DM for the moment, hopefully the other players are still being respectful. Maybe they're jealous you've got such a young face at your age? Idk, either way I would try and stick it out, see if they continue their antics. If they do continue, either stand your ground or go find a nicer DND group.
lihea · 7 weeks ago
Thank you for responding Parisqueen! I come from an abusive home and sometimes when people are treating me badly I look for the problem not with them, as I should, but with myself. I try to stop myself from doing that, but it's automatic and I had no idea I was doing it again in this situation.
You are right, of course. It is childish bullying. Has anyone found a good way of dealing with it? I have a sneaking suspicion that this is the sort of situation that cannot be resolved by talking, and can only be resolved by leaving.
unicycle · 7 weeks ago
Though it's a little scary, the best way of dealing with this might be tackling the problem head on. Next time ask: "Hey, do you have a problem with me being older?" either individually to the DM or to the group as a whole. If they say yes, there's your answer. If they say no, but you still get snide comments, that's an answer too. You can't force people to be comfortable with you, and you're probably uncomfortable too. If you can't clear the air, then the best thing to do is find another group that's more accepting.
parisqeen · 6 weeks ago
I agree with @unicycle, I would avoid a fight but I think sometimes confrontation is needed. Sometimes people think if they can get away with it the first time, they can continue escalating the bullying so I would nip this problem in the bud if you realise they won't be stopping anytime soon. In the end, it's their loss and your gain if you decide to leave, which I'm coming to decide might be the best option. There's plenty of accepting DND groups out there, you'll find another that's much better. Honestly, I pity the fact they take age as such a big factor in the judgement of someone, it's gonna be a shock when they start growing up.
lihea · 6 weeks ago
I was thinking I would wait for her to make another passive aggressive statement and then say; " Recently you've started making rather negative comments about me, have you noticed that? It makes me wonder if there's something you're upset with me about."
What do you guys think?
parisqeen · 6 weeks ago
I think that's a good and non-confrontational start, see what happens cause if she attacks it's clear she's in the wrong.