Hah, yeah. Her brother is one too.

Ah nice.
Honestly, I'd be honest with her. If theres one thing I hated when I had a crush on someone, it was when they never told me they feeling wasnt mutual, bc it left me in spine chilling suspense until the day officially came and I found out on my own they didnt like me back

She'd told me in the past that she was attracted so someone, just never who it was.
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I'd also mentioned that I hadn't felt any attraction to anyone in over 5 years, and was unsure whether i was capable of such a thing.
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I think she got the point when i repeated that, because she apologized (and that made me feel kinda bad)
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But she's got a really bad memory, so I hope I got through to her, because I really don't want to break it to her again :/

Well I just hope things go well for ya, bc love is a weird and terrifying thing.

Thanks, and I agree.
I've had a lot of trauma in my life, and romance is something that never fails to terrify me.

Tell me about it. I need to make a resolution to be less terrified about asking people out or else I'm gonna become a 30 year old virgin in about 9 years

I'm not too bothered about that tbh. I used to be worried that I'd end up as some old fuck that's never had a relationship, but I'm fine with however it'll turn out now.
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Someone told me "you'll never be happy with anyone until you're happy with yourself, by yourself", and I've been thinking about that a lot recently.

It's not that I'm craving sex or anything, it's just that #1: I want to get married in the future super badly and right now I'm anywhere but on the right track for that, and #2: it's honestly starting to annoy me that I dont know a damn thing about that "process". Its like that feeling you get when your parents say "you'll understand when you're older", I'm 20 years old and I still dont understand and its obnoxious.
Of course these are all meaningless to me just wanting to be in a relationship in general, but that's a whole other tangent that I dont want to get into unless you want me talking passionately for a half hour

I totally get what you mean. I wouldn't mind being with someone that I can show a bunch of affection to, in a non-sexual way.
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I also have no clue how dating works, I was always told that I wasn't allowed to date someone till I was 18, but I never got to know anyone well enough to want to date them anyway.

I've been in a steady relationship before, but it was 100% long distance, so I have 0 experience with irl dating. I'm hoping I can get the hang of it before life has the chance to potentially go super downhill

I should also say that my last relationship, which was a healthy 2 and a half years, ended bc of the distance between us, which is why I'm trying for more of an irl thing this time instead of going back to online dating (and trust me, I'd be looking at a certain someone if I was looking at online again, but I wont say who)

I am waiting for you to tell who @dr_richard_ew
And you dear bud, its the best if she knows that you dont feel the same way and also that you value your friendship to keep things like that at bay. It is going to make your friendship a little weary but wait for it. Things wil fall back into place.

I stand by the 5th amendment

hahaha I will still wait for it.

You may be waiting a while

Man online dating sucks though

Okay so here's what you do. Cut off all ties with everyone you know, change your name, flee country, and never return,

Ah, well I plan to do a few of those things anyway.
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And I ran away from a similar situation in the past, but I don't want to do it again. People were convinced I died due to a rumour that was started.
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The thing is, I still want to be friends with her, but nothing more.

Just be honest with her and tell her that you don’t feel the same way and that you’re not even sure of how you feel about romantic relationships at the moment but that you still want to be friends with her because she matters to you. If she can’t be around you then let her go if not don’t treat her any differently cause she’s admitted to having feelings. Also please don’t think that someone deserves better than you, she fell for you after what seems to be a long time of you knowing each other. Part of loving yourself is knowing you are good enough too..also zont and dr your parents are kinda right about things making more sense as you grow up. While experiences are important so is your own brain development which goes well into when you turn 25 so who you are might be extremely different from the views you have in a couple years. I’m just a couple years past that and things make soooo much more sense now. It gets better guys

When I say better I don’t mean in a couple of years you have everything figured out btw, I mean that you finally understand the things that are worth pursuing and fighting for, hopefully you learn to love yourselves too so that you’re already fulfilled by yourself before you decide to share that with someone else. As long as you try to be the best you can your perspective shifts so that you get to enjoy life better.