Guys need urgent advice please
by pranav · 22 comments 35 weeks ago
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pranav · 35 weeks ago
That made no sense, sorry. I meant I’m trying not to push her out of the anorexia but instead help her fight it, but idk how to. I’m already providing support but is there anything else i can do?
parisqeen · 35 weeks ago
Okay this is gonna sound rough but you, by yourself aren't going to be able to do much. Anorexia and other body dysphoric conditions like that are very very internal problems that involve a lot of therapy and mental challenges only she can deal with. It's awful to watch as a friend, trust me I know but the sufferer genuinely doesn't see the problem, they can't see what's wrong and it's a vicious cycle of morphed self-perception. You're already doing a great job by being there and supporting her through this, is her family helping her treat this?
Sometimes what's best is to be forcefully hospitalised until they are stable then treating it at home through exposure therapy very very slowly, what's most important is that she has control. These conditions are very much about control as it usually coincides with stress or a dysfunctional home life. Your support may seem to go unnoticed now but when she gets through this your love and consistency will mean a lot to her.
pranav · 35 weeks ago
No she has a very abusive mom and has no dad.
pranav · 35 weeks ago
Could that be the cause?
pranav · 35 weeks ago
Also she can’t afford therapy
savage_demmigod · 35 weeks ago
Oh wow this is a tough one. I hope you're looking after yourself too while helping them out.
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I'd suggest maybe calling a helpline of some sort just to get a professional's advice [or even just websites that offer the same advice. I've found a few just my Googling and they're usually pretty useful]. They're always very helpful in giving you the words to say and the ways in which to say them without making it worse or perhaps making your friend feel like they can't trust you.
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What I can say is try not to give them ultimatums and never give them simple solutions like "All you just have to do is accept yourself." as eating disorders are usually very complex problems and if it were that simple they wouldn't be suffering.
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I suppose just support them as much as you are able and encourage them when you can.
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I'm so sorry you are going through this and I really hope that things work out soon. Keep strong and know that we're always here to help
jokur_and_batmon · 35 weeks ago
All of the above^^ but if she’s a minor and her mother is obviously abusive I suggest calling CPS (or 911 during an attack). If you can though I’d suggest getting an adult to make those calls as it’d seem more “reliable”
fiek · 35 weeks ago
Pray for her.
f__kyeahhamburg · 35 weeks ago
I unfortunately have nothing good to say here. Bulimia and Anorexia are leading to behaviours that will utterly disappoint you. Outside help without the respective psychological skills is barely possible. People suffering from bulimia tend to behave like junkies over time, lying about their condition, doing it in secret etc.
As much as I feel sorry for your friend, I feel frightened for your mental health if you solely try to help her. Been there, done that. There's nothing noble or awesome to expect.
parisqeen · 35 weeks ago
I can almost say that is exactly what caused her disorder, in chaotic environments we usually seek for something we can control, hence our food intake becomes a means to have some sort of consistency. It's sad and awful but it's not uncommon.
Like everyone else said PLEASE take care of yourself as well, you can't help her if you aren't helping yourself.
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That's a really tough spot so I'm sorry you have to help her with this. It's not your job to be her therapist but I know how badly you want to help, unfortunately I don't know much about treatments that don't cost money. Like the others suggested I would even call a professional and ask for advice, there's no harm in asking your own GP what to do as they have the knowledge of the medical and financial world and might be able to help. If you really are the last resort I have some tips on how to help but I really don't want you to actually become her only way out as that's not fair on you.
parisqeen · 35 weeks ago
I'll ask my friends who work in that field of eating disorders for some advice when I see them next, hopefully your friends mum realises she has to take her to the hospital or into a treatment facility.
pranav · 35 weeks ago
Thank you guys so much, I am very grateful for the support and advice. I will keep you guys updated, and I’ll follow your advice.
Also, @jokur_and_batmon, CPS is already involved, and they’ve mandated she stays with her mother until she’s 18. She was just about to get emancipated, but has been rejected due to the problems.
jokur_and_batmon · 35 weeks ago
Well, that royally sucks but hopefully you two will be having coffee 10 years from now catching up about lives of your own that are very far from this situation
who_cares · 35 weeks ago
Hi Pranav. Since this situation is a little tricky and she does not even want to get out of the situation, there is one thing that you could do. Create a discrepancy, make her question herself as to how this is going to be in the long run. Does she see herself this way down the line or she would want some change? Even if she wants to stay the same, ask her what good is bringing to her. Then point out to the harms it is otherwise bringing. After thr converdation is done, give her your feedback on the situation and reassure her that help is present if she wants it. Advice her on the option of hospitalisation and contact services - if CPS is involved, they can help solve through it as well. If she refuses contact services, ask her to open up about her stressors to somebody she does not know at all, there are many websites available for online help. After giving her the options, lt the decision on what to do rest with herself. I am saying this because she has an eating disorder only to
who_cares · 35 weeks ago
gain control over her life and if you take away that autonomy she would only feel averted to you. Also, just keep doing this for some time until she rralizes it. And if she doesn't, please look after yourself too.
You can only give water to others, if your tank is full in te first place. Take time away from her and try to strike conversations in between. Engage in activities you like to rejuvenate yourself and take enough breaks. Mental health problems are actually like a whirlpool, anybody who gets near also has equal chances of getting sucked in.
who_cares · 35 weeks ago
I hope things turn out for the good for both you and her. Keep us updated though.
pranav · 35 weeks ago
I will, thank you so much.
parisqeen · 34 weeks ago
How's your friend doing? I know it hasn't been that long but any progress?
pranav · 33 weeks ago
I can’t really tell if she’s okay anymore. She was hospitalized about six days ago because she blacked out, and the doctors have put her on a mandatory diet, but she isn’t sticking to it. However, she no longer makes constant negative comments about herself, and seems to be overall happier. She still has about a 1000 calorie deficit in her diet though which is bad in the long run, but some progress has been made, so I’m assuming it’ll get better...
parisqeen · 33 weeks ago
I'm glad she was put on a diet, no mental disorders are nice but eating ones especially tend to lead the person to death even if they're unaware they're doing it. It's usually very difficult for the person to start eating again as they create "fear foods", so foods they are terrified of touching or eating, once they learn to accept these eating becomes a lot easier. I'm really happy her self-image has improved, although physically eating is important, in the end it is her mental state that needs to change so that's a great sign in my opinion.