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captainjackharknes · 4 years ago
Consequence: having to deal with the outcome of what happens. You make a mistake, so you fix it
Punishment: added stipulation. You did something wrong, so now you lose a privilege.
unicycle · 4 years ago
A consequence is the logical result of a behavior while a punishment is something you add to discourage behavior.
Kid purposely spills their juice.
Consequence: Uh-oh, that was all your juice! Make sure you don't spill at your next snack time. Why don't we clean it up together?
Punishment: You did a bad thing! Clean it up! No more playtime today!
.
Teenager sneaks out and stays up very late.
Consequence: Sorry you're tired, but you still have to do your chores. And you promised you'd go to grandma's with me today so that's still on.
Punishment: You're grounded! No more phone!
parisqeen · 4 years ago
I think there's already some great advice in here, parenting is not really something you can master. You will learn along with your baby, go at your own pace. I hope you have family members who can be at your birth instead of your husband.Personally, I never think any form of physical punishment is a good idea, spanking or otherwise I'm just not okay with the possible ramifications this could have on a child's development. Things will change as your baby grows but I think what's important is staying engaged in your child's life and their learning, encouraging curiosity, teaching respect through your own behaviours and listening. Your child is learning every second, they will go through experiences you did but with fresh eyes so I think like @unicycle and @scatmandingo said, it's important to see the world from their perspective and communicate with them effectively. Also remember to give yourself some 'you' time, parenting is very rewarding but tiring so allow yourself a break.
parisqeen · 4 years ago
I actually have a book I wrote to myself while I was growing up, I think I started it when I was about 11. It's called "When I'm Older" and it's pretty much a child's guide to parenting. I have notes and observations from things I liked to things I didn't like about my own upbringing, a weird thing to do but very useful for when I need to understand my own children. If you would like I can summarise my my points.
jokur_and_batmon · 4 years ago
I’d say helping to foster a good work ethic is invaluable (especially for studying and homework). College is only going to be more of a requirement in the future, and as a current student I can tell you how badly I wish I had developed any sort of study skills before committing to this
lnorthstar · 4 years ago
@parisqeen I would love to see your points!
@jokur_and_batmon I know what you mean, but knowing yourself, what could your parents have done to help foster good study and work habits? Mine tried and I did well enough, but I never really enjoyed it, I just have low self-motivation.
@unicycle Those are good, I'm going to steal those...
@scatmandingo I'm going to do my best to parent with empathy, but I know those early years are for to be tough when they can't reciprocate
mrscollector · 4 years ago
Ok so for my advice on babies:
1 Don’t go spending a shit load on baby gimmick stuff. You know the bottle warmers and diaper genies and all the things that SEEM useful but really isn’t.
2 Don’t talk baby talk it just makes them assume that is how to talk.
3 Read and talk to them as if they can respond.
4 In my family first time the baby tries cake is its first birthday.
On Toddlers:
1 When out about town point to things like fruit and veggies and tell them what it is and say some fact like where it comes from or what it taste like.
2 Buy picture books with animals and shapes and numbers. Than go over every page with them. Once you think they got it ask them to find stuff like say “Show mommy where the penguin is.” They will search the book and clap and say good job once they do it.
3 when they want up or want to do something say ok but let’s count to 5 or let’s say abcs first than once they do it give what they ask.
4 before they start school teach them to recognize their name
jokur_and_batmon · 4 years ago
So, I know that my parents gave up after first grade with the whole “did you do your homework?” Thing, and as the little shit I was I just never did homework after that. Also, they never cared about my grades just that I was still alive so I never felt a need to succeed
parisqeen · 4 years ago
I like those points ^ I think the 3rd point about asking toddlers to count before something also helps with learning patience. I also want to add that as technology grows and is incorporated into our lives more be careful how much you expose to children. I hate seeing babies with their mums phone playing a game. Not only does this actually hinder many areas of their mental development such as; sight (long distance), textural development, importance of human engagement, attention span etc. It also teaches the mum that instead of actually being a parent and bonding she can just give her child and a phone and not worry about any interruptions. A child needs to go through tantrums and learn how to deal with these in order to develop proper emotional regulation and the mum needs to learn how to handle these without opting for a phone or a TV.
parisqeen · 4 years ago
Some points from my book, some are dumb because I was small. A disclaimer, if you ever did any of these things as a parent I'm not suggesting it makes you a bad person, I was just a drama queen as a kid:
"If your children are crying don't scream at them or slap them, it makes them feel unloved"
"Have one-on-one's with your kids every now and then"
"Try not to have fights with your husband or family members because it effects your children too"
"Make sure your children have a dog, they are the best friend a child could have"
"If your child wants to be left alone, leave them alone and let them figure things out"
"The worst torture you can possibly give your child is not believing them when they're telling the truth" (dramatic much)
"Let them explain a situation before telling them off"
"Try to understand your child's dreams, make them feel their dreams aren't pointless"
"Don't say it's dinner time until everything is on the table"
parisqeen · 4 years ago
“Appreciating their body and wanting the best for themselves is an important mindset to have. Self-love should be shown and encouraged but with modesty”
“Try and encourage your kids to have and keep goals throughout their life, it helps them feel they have direction and purpose”
“Teach self-awareness at a young age. “how do you feel? Why?”
“gently enforce time-mamagement and working hard”
“Teach your kids to be open-minded and accepting of other cultures/races etc.”
Sorry for the spam
mrfahrenheit · 4 years ago
Not from my parents or myself, but from an old geezer who sat next to me on a bus. Don't Panic. When things go wrong, panicking isn't going to make it better. Stop, breath, think. Work out a solution.
kcat · 4 years ago
I don’t plan on having children but based on my own childhood things that I wish I had:
1. Support: I know you hear this all the time especially with lgbt kids but it’s not just with tough things like that. I wish I could go to my parents when I’m having a bad day. I wish I had that sort of rock. Sometimes I don’t wanna bother my friends or my boyfriend. In those times I wish I had parents I could get comfort from knowing that even if it’s not something they understand or approve of they’ll let me cry, they’ll let me seek comfort and they’ll tell me they’re there for me even if they can’t fix my problem.
2. Hypocrisy: while adults can do some things that kids can’t, I feel like from a young age we really observe and understand when the same rules don’t apply. If a parent says that something is bad but they do it then you don’t take it seriously. Also if kids are expected to apologize when they make mistakes, parents need to as well. We aren’t perfect as adults. Lead by example...
kcat · 4 years ago
3. Compassion: I think one of the things that kids feel is like parents don’t understand. There’s a lot of reasons as to why they get angry as well, stress etc. but I think it’s important that parents are compassionate. Kids might complain about something that you no longer understand cause you’re not a kid. But showing that their concerns matter to you will build trust I think. And make them understand they can always talk to you.
4. Expectations: you know the saying about not judging fish by it’s ability to climb a tree right? I think that it’s common for parents to (in their quest to want their kids to be successful) push them to not make the mistakes they made and try making smart choices. But life is so complicated that if you go back in time you’d probably dodge the mistakes you currently know of and make brand new ones. Equip your kid with lessons on how to pick themselves up and go forward, not how to be perfect because none of us are going to be..
kcat · 4 years ago
5. Communication: your kid might not always want to talk to you. There might be a multitude of reasons. But you can always make them understand that you are there for them and then help them find a healthy outlet. Respect their privacy and let them keep journals that you won’t go through. Let them talk to an adult that might not be you, maybe an aunt or older cousin that could guide them. The important point is not that you’re the one solving all their problems, it’s that you help them find the outlet even if it’s not you.
6. Encouragement: sure you know that statistically their dreams of being a rockstar might not pan out and they might regret those life choices. But the fact of the matter is you can either help them on that journey and then be a support if it doesn’t work out or you can criticize them the whole way through and make them feel like failures. Equip your kids with advice and education so they always make the best choices they can at the time but try to not stifle...
kcat · 4 years ago
Their dreams just cause they are risky or not what you wanted for them.
That’s just some of the things I can think of off the top of my head. Just the fact that you are looking for ideas on things you can do is proof that I think you’ll make a great parent <3
starbuckslovers · 4 years ago
Never ever use the words “you are so expensive.” Especially in regards to things they need. My mom did this all the time and it made me feel like a burden. I stopped asking for anything, even if I REALLY needed it, and not just material things. I still have trouble buying anything for myself.
karlboll · 4 years ago
Encourage and guide them if they show interest in something even if it's something you've never been keen on.
When they piss you off and you get mad, make sure they know you still love them.
Teach them to verbalise their feelings. I am happy, sad, angry etc. Putting words to emotions is important for communication.
Involve them in important decisions. They don't have to make the decision but being consulted is always nice.
tarotnathers13th · 4 years ago
Remember not to lose your cool even when they do something that makes you want to rip your hair out. Anger has it place in the emotional spectrum, but never directed at a child or teen who didn't know better or lacked the experience to avoid disaster. They will remember every cruel word spoken in passion and take it as truth. If you must express dissatisfaction, a shout of unintelligible surprise/fury is understandable, picking on a child's insecurities and fears isn't.
abel_hazard · 4 years ago
Big thing re: fostering work ethic: praise your kids for their effort - especially when the effort sees improvements and results - rather than for being talented. Praise for being talented frames the results as inherent and something they can’t work to change. I literally wasn’t aware that practice had any impact on performance till I was like twenty bc of this.