Hi Jingle. I’m late to the thread here, I don’t know if you’re still processing this- I suspect you are but hope it’s at least better for you a little bit emotionally. You’re going to feel some thing and that is ok. Sadly there isn’t a lot to do- we feel as we feel. You can remind yourself what matters and try to contextualize and understand your feelings and what it all means though. You’ve lost a few people from your life that you trusted and who were likely somewhat important to you- at least people you interacted with regularly and were accustomed to.

They’ve shown you their character- who they are. It’s sad you had to have his happen- but you know that they are (or were) the type of people who would do something like that to you- and ultimately not people you would want around. They wormlike either grow as people and become better- or at least now they will be hurting g each other and not adding additional hurt to you. I don’t know what your religion is- but I wonder if perhaps it is a faith that would tell you that there are seasons for things, or that there is someone out there who will share your values and will bring the right energy to your life- and you now know there are 2 people in the world who likely aren’t them?

As much as you can try to focus on what matters in your life. Focus on the people who are good to you, on your dreams, on putting out into the world the sorts of things you’d want the world to reflect back at you. Let the feelings come- feel them, process them, but don’t let them control you.

There are so many complex emotions you could be feeling I’d be a doom to try and talk you through them all. This news of them can bring back old feelings you had from when it happened, it can bring back feeling you never addressed, maybe never knew you had or wanted to admit you had. We are all human. Live and let live is a good philosophy- but most of us wouldn’t be being completely honest if we said no part of us for even a moment while hurt wished or thought about things going poorly for those who we feel wronged by- perhaps that they might break up and get the same “just deserts” they served you- and I’m not saying that is what is in your heart or even that you felt that. I’m saying that as a human- it would be ok and normal to have that thought briefly or occasionally if we could reach past it and remember that we don’t need them to fail- we need us to succeed.

Sometimes that is an emotion that comes up we may not realize- seeing people who did wrong to us doing well- especially if we feel we aren’t, or that we aren’t getting those same blessings they are. Again- even once for a money or on occasion we may think- of just in our subconscious: “how could they be doing well when they did wrong” and we may add “and I, who did right- seem to be not doing as well...”

It may be nothing like that. Pangs of “what could have been” and what was taken from us- what could have or should have been ours; or what we had planned and envisioned and how someone else is there now. It can be very disorienting. Ultimately- for one who has a strong sense of morality- it can simply be shocking and impact us to see “wrong” where we know it is “wrong.” For those who are very upright- simply seeing and being reminded of wrongs in the world can cause emotional stress- even more so when it is so close to home.

There are thousands of other emotions and thoughts such things can bring up- but really- not dwelling on it as much as possible, focusing on what we are doing and our own lives and achieving the things we want- being the person we want to be- those should be foremost in our minds. Easy to say, harder to do I know. It’s gonna hurt. Sorry- I cant stop that. There really isn’t a healthy way to stop that. It’s part of being human and having feelings.

But just remind yourself the things you already know. Remind yourself what your faith says- believe when it is hard to believe. See this as a trial for yourself- there is purpose to all things- even if one doesn’t believe in a religion- basic causality says that something has to happen for something else to happen- and basic logic says that when we face such a point that we have choices we can make and those choices will impact where we go next in life, how we feel tomorrow and in 10 years. So try and make little choices today and each day that will get you to feeling better and being in a good place where you can genuinely be to a point where you don’t think of this much or at all- that it might still hurt- but rarely and more of a dull ache- a memory of pain made bearable by time and the fact that you have a life that makes all the pain it took to get there worth having.

Time heals all wounds is a cliche and maybe not completely true or accurate- but... time has a way of making old wounds not so bad- simply because when we stop and think about the way choices work- ours and others- a path closes and another opens. When we are somewhere we like to be- we can be happy for what has happened before even if it was bad- when you have a future that you like, the ideas of alternate futures that could have been no longer seems so good. The “butterfly effect” in essence. If you let it- this experience, this pain- can teach you things to make you a better person, more successful, more compassionate, wiser, etc. it can be a catalyst to put you on the path to follow a dream or make steps to grow or create positivity in the world to help others or yourself.

If we let these experiences- they can also sour us, they can cause us trauma that will hurt our figure chances at happiness, they can drive us to decisions that take us further from who we want to be, or limit the good we can do in the world. No matter what there are people who love you, or need you, people your presence touches and who’s futures your being in their lives will impact- and from the sound of it you are a person who impacts others for the better.

So take time- do what you need to do to reconcile your feelings and process them and make it through the pain, but don’t close off those paths that could bring you future happiness and prosperity. It’s always disappointing or hurtful when people don’t live up to who we thought they were- but all you can really do is try to be the best you that you know how. If you keep putting that out- eventually something comes from it. And in all this- perhaps the journey will also change your exes into better people- perhaps that’s what they needed to become better- or perhaps the lesson is yet to come or continue until THEY address those things- and until they see and correct them- they will suffer through it together.

Their suffering isn’t something to take pleasure in- but it is something you could be thankful for having been spared those particular problems. People who do wrongs do it because of something within them that they have to be made to see and realize as a source of suffering before they work to fix it. People who do not do this will continue to hurt others and themselves unless and until they are able to learn a lesson. Your exes did something terrible to you and whatever made them do that will be there, able to cause them to hurt those they live and destroy relationships- until they figure it out. At least you aren’t a part of that directly anymore.

Do you. Study, work, make art. Be with family, meet people (don’t let these experiences derail your ability to connect to people), and feel. Grieve, take time for you. Watch a show you’ve missed or play a game or listen to sad music. Cry, hit pillows. But don’t live that way. Get it out. Talk, family, us, a therapist- whoever you can trust. It’s ok to be mad. It’s ok to feel all kinds of things and not like that you feel some of them. Take care of yourself and don’t let yourself get off track. Live life and focus on your goals. You may never “forget” or completely “get over” all this- but I promise you someday it can be a distant memory that barely effects you and hardly comes to mind. Hang in there, best of luck- and we are here when and if you want to talk.

Thank you.

Update: took everyone's words into consideration. Definitely feel better, been focusing more in my art and reading some books to pass the time. I'm working on some cool OC stuff, and I spend a lot of time with my family and my animals. And whenever I think about them or other hurtful things of my past, it's more like a dull ache instead of pain. Thanks for taking some time out of your lives to think about little ol me :)

Awesome! Glad you are doing better. It just gets easier from here.

So glad you're starting to feel better, it takes time so try not to be too hard on yourself if you have a bad day/ week etc. I'd love to see some of those drawings if you ever feel like posting more of your art.

Oh sure, where would I post it? I don't want to just spam a bunch of my art and annoy anyone

You can post it as "Fun" with the other posts, no one will mind as long as it's not a billion pieces. We often have little artsubstance stuff on here, it's nice to see what everyone creates.

You won’t annoy anyone- or at the very least anyone you should worry about if someone posting art on a fun community site bothers them. As said- maybe don’t post 100 works a day back to back, but other than that... I personally would love to see what you’ve been working on.