I never know how to feel on Mother’s Day. What are your guys’ thoughts?

I think you need some distance. She’s clearly willing to care for you materially but not emotionally, and if you can afford to be a little out of her daily sphere, it would probably help.

don't let her mistakes define the way you are towards her, we all have the choice to be different. Choose Love !

I am in a very very similar situation as you.
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When I told my shrink that I probably want a relationship with my mother cause she's my mother but don't cause she can be very hurtful rather often, he asked me if I knew the story about the genie, the wish, and the impossible dragon
("I want a dragon";
"no, i can't do that";
"okay I want _even more impossible thing_";
"okay what colour dragon did you want?").
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After which he asked: "so, what colour dragon do you want?"
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You might want to look up covert abuse . it refers to the subtle "can't really point one thing as abuse-abuse but if you write it all down together it forms several pages of small-seeming things which collectively are very fucked up". Other things to check out would be gaslighting and love bombing.
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So I send her messages & visit sometimes to keep peace, never without my partner as protection, and we collectively decided to leave when things turn south. I'm not going to reward their bad behaviour.

@rezter no, but sometimes it's better to put the torch down if it's burning your hand all the time cause you aren't a good fit.

@jensensbooty also, I'm sorry that she does that do you. I know how if feels and it fucking sucks. People tell you to be grateful they don't directly abuse you and you should love your parents but it's kinda difficult when they are neither a secure base nor a stable nurturing and unconditionally loving people who don't put you down all the time. Like sure, it doesn't leave marks outside. But it fucks you up for a long time making you wonder if you are good enough to be loved and why you weren't good enough to be loved by those who above all expectations should, your parents. I can go deep into the child psychology if you want, but basically kids internalise everything and form themselves (their internal tape) on the parental loop and thoughts. It fucking sucks if your tape you copied from was frayed and unstable, despite having okay music. And then your copy is broken forever, unless you deliberately tape their internalised monologue and thought patterns over with something better.

How it feels*

Thanks for the kind words guys. I know a lot of this has to do with her relationship with her mother. My therapist and I are working on not letting these behaviors affect me negatively and identifying the root source. Like @catfluff said, fixing your tape because the copy is unstable!

Coming from a mom a daughter and a person who lost their mom I can understand your dilemma. Many people go through this does my parents even see me or just think of me as a kid who they had and had to care for.
For her to say I love you but I don’t like you is yes extremely hard to hear. I have the same feeling for one my brothers. He is a terrible person who everyday just proves he is never changing. But I will always love him. I don’t like him many days I hate him but I will always love him.
Some parents don’t like having kids grow up becoming someone they wouldn’t be. It sounds like your mom is a very up tight sort of person who’s idea of fun is a family movie and pizza. While yours is hanging out with friends at clubs and concerts and such. Things she would never do. Maybe you even dress in a way she wouldn’t? It sounds like she wants you to be more like her and doesn’t know what to do with you.
It isn’t your fault and though she going about it wrong it isn’t al her fault.

If I was you I would at least send her a card or flowers saying you thought of her. I would add something in a note along the lines of we may not always see eye to eye but I just want to let you know thank you for all you done for me. That way she knows that you love her but if she try’s to call or ask you to do something like visit or whatever just say you can’t due to other things make some things up.

I think @catfluff made some good points, I'm glad both of you have therapists to work through this. I dislike the idea that just because she is your mum means you need to love her or you owe her something. It may feel like it but you are your own person, you should decide how you wish to treat people regardless of their biological relationship with you, imo. I would also like to mention that just because she is meeting your needs of "shelter, food, education", does not mean she is a good parent, emotional care is just as, if not more important, then physical needs. I won't judge your mum as a "good or bad" person cause people are complicated and I don't know her as a person, however, the responses she has to some of your actions are not good and certainly don't help you mentally. Mother's day in the end is just a marketing strategy, yes it's nice to appreciate our mums if they appreciate us.

I think @mrscollector has the right idea, if you feel she may not react well to getting nothing then a simple card might help.
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Have you talked about these issues with her? I know she may not be the type of person to listen but actually telling her “Mum, some of the ways you treat me I find hurtful, for example _. In future I would like you to react to these situations by _”. Or something along those lines. Sometimes just letting her actually know that her actions effect you and you think about them can help. If you have already tried sitting down and talking with her about this then I’m sorry it didn’t work out. I hope to cherish who you are regardless of your family.