Had a best friend for years, he was my life. We did everything together, watched TV shows and made fun of stupid movies and the people who loved them. Then one day he started talking to me less and less, didn't want to do anything anymore. And one day he was just gone. Moved away not saying goodbye, the one thing he promised to never do. I was completely destroyed, the heartbreak of losing someone so close is worse than any love interest heart break. Heard through the grapevine that he had a girlfriend that wanted him to break ties with everyone in his life that wasn't family, especially me. Fast forward a couple of years and receive an email from him with one attachment no message, just "careless whisper" by George Michael. And I swear that was more painful than him disappearing on me.

Usually the things we are asked not to tell people are the first things we should tell them

Sadly I feel like im slowly doing this to a long time friend myself but they do nothing but complain and encourage bad habits. I've pointed it out to them but they just get defensive. Just make sure you're not being the "bad" friend.

Her sister told me not to tell her. And I’m sorry for everyone else who has or is currently going through it. It hurts

I know it sucks, but these things are just part of life. Don't let it bum you out too much.

As for how to cope, everyone is going to have a different way, but trying to keep busy with something else isn't going to hurt.

I would handle it like any other lose, the lose of a close friend feels like grief so let yourself grieve. I think it's normal for a friend to stop hanging out with you as much ( at the beginning) because they have an s/o however, if you and her family believe he is toxic I would tell her. I personally would prefer to know I've given my friend the best chance of getting out of a potentially dangerous relationship even if they cut ties with me, a good friend tells you when you're being an idiot. Of course she might not listen because she loves him/ in denial, emotions makes our judgements difficult and forcing yourself to see the bad side of a loved one is hard. It's hard to know how to tell your friend something like that but remember to be gentle and honest, always make sure she knows you're telling her something out of your love and care for her, rather than hate for her bf. Be there for her if you can, even if it's just to keep an eye on her.

You know she isn't a bad person if she's your friend, love and manipulation can make people do things that they normally would never do. Be aware her actions may be initiated and encouraged by her bf, rather than herself. I'm not saying everything she does is her bf fault but it is likely he has something to do with it if she's having a big shift in character. In the end, I personally think it's more important to keep a friend safe than keep them "happy".

Yeah you’re right! I just don’t know how to go against what her sister requested. She begged me not to say anything because she isn’t willing to listen. So that’s why I feel trapped. I did recently tell her I don’t trust him, but she defended every reason I gave

Get a different 3rd party... Go find one of his closest friends (the bf's friends, this is), and have them point out what he's doing is absolutely fucked. If that direction doesn't work then he really is too far gone, cannot be saved and it's now in everyone's best interest you ignore the sister.

GDI I love it when I have a stroke of brilliance. T'was an honor helping.

Thank you!

I think if what he did is really bad I would tell her anyway, her sister might just want her to be happy but if you were in the same situation would you prefer to know what your partner did? Maybe try a different approach, instead of giving her reason to hate and distrust her bf, try and give her reasons she should be more loving of herself. Like "hey, I love you and support you and I want you to know if you ever need a safe space or someone to talk to I'm here, I don't agree with your bf but that doesn't mean I don't care about you". People in these situations usually have low self-esteem, this paired with a toxic partner can lead to even lower self-esteem and thus the cycle continues.

If you think telling her what he did will just make the situation worse because maybe she'll bring it up with him and he'll twist it and make it another reason she should distrust her friends and family. I don't know what he's like so I'm just making assumptions here about the possibilities. I would try and bring it up gently, ask her if she would like to know something her bf did that she might not like? If she says no, then accept it and don't tell her. Let her know you're there if she would like to know and that you're not just saying things to make her feel guilty for being with him or making her hate him, you just want her to be safe.