When approaching people with things you find to be a problem- it’s best to do a few things to maximize receptiveness.
- timing. It’s best to correct behavior when it happens so it’s fresh and not “out of nowhere.”
- timing. This can be counter intuitive to 1, but when people are tired, frustrated, etc. not a good time usually.
- tone. We all tend to feel attacked when someone points out a flaw or what they see as flaws. We tend to think highly of ourselves and being told by another that we are less than stellar in every way- or being shown a behavior about ourselves like hurting a loved one- that disappoints ourselves- we often lash outwards not inwards with those feelings. Try to phrase and tone things so they are less about the person, more the action. Less “you” and more “me.” Less in a way that could be seen as an attack and more neutral.

- keep your head on. If you get frazzled or escalate things- well... anyone can make a bad situation worse. That’s why people who make bad situations better tend to be in high demand.

And alternatively- you may decide to leave politics out of it. The reasons here may be philosophical or political- but they are two separate conversations. What you said about the clothes- a similar retort to your father, phrased right, could be appropriate. “I’m not a woman.. why ask me?” “It has nothing to do with being a woman dad, I just needed some help and mom wasn’t around so I thought I’d ask you since you’re usually pretty wise about things. Of it isn’t something you can handle I can wait until mom comes back...”

We didn’t address the sexism there or bring up gender directly- but we did make it clear that we didn’t appreciate the comment without saying so in so many words. We created a negative feedback interaction without being aggressive. The end bit is a bit of a barb- but we sandwiched it to a compliment. An “unsult.” Now dad feels a bit foolish likely. His young daughter just inferred to him that there are things she thought he could do but has learned he cannot. We struck his ego.

If he gets mad- we can diffuse. “It’s fine dad. Not everyone is good at everything. I respect that you are an expert at ...(what’s dad good at?)... but this just isn’t something you’re cut out for.” Habits are formed trough repetition. Again- philosophy here... but it’s revolution vs revision. Change doesn’t have to be a revolution- a huge confrontation where we make radical changes in short periods. It can be a process. Both have place and merit- the young tend to favor revolution. Lol.

But revolution is sitting down to dinner and just blowing it all out. “Mom and dad- I don’t appreciate the way you speak about... ..., and I don’t agree on your views on gays, and I’m voting for Bernie first chance I get!” Revision is more a subtle process that takes time and is less direct.

Go with what works for you- just think about what comes next before you decide, and think up front about what you’re looking to gain and what you’re willing to risk. In a perfect world, kids transform parents conservative views to more open minded ones- or at least parents and kids disagree and there’s no bad blood. In the world we live in- family relationships and household life can be impacted by these things.

Sometimes it isn’t worth it. If you think you’ll be “leaving the nest” in a year or two- you aren’t going to be relying on your parents to support your education or such- then you might decide to take a gentle approach or even leave it rest. If you aren’t moving out in the foreseeable future or you just can’t emotionally and mentally deal with it- it’s a good idea to consider confrontation or some means of asserting yourself so that you can coexist in the home in a way that is healthy for you.

And that... is personal. Me- I’d rather deal with the cold shoulder from live in family/roommates than feel disrespected constantly. I’m fine to detach emotionally and say that if you’re the sort of person who would sever our bonds over something like a disagreement of that nature- you’re not someone I need to worry about pleasing because you’re only attached to the me that does everything you want, and not the me that I am. But- some people aren’t. And that’s ok as long as you aren’t slowing yourself to be in an abusive or unhealthy relationship because your fear of losing their love is greater than your love for yourself.

You seem to have a big heart. You seem to understand what most “major” religions are really about. In the end- personally I don’t know if it matters to me if my mom or dad are homophobic. I’d rather no one be homophobic. But- that has nothing to do with our relationship unless I were gay. But it takes years, decades, to change a persons mind on such things usually. In that regard just being someone they can respect while also being a “good influence” showing them how a real “Christian” or a real “good human being” or a real “Muslim” etc- acts, you can be a bridge to change. They may never change, or may only change some- but some good is better than none.

Be the best you that you can be. Work at becoming the you that you want to be and keep adjusting what that looks like as you learn and grow. Take care of yourself, make sure you can maintain both an environment for your mental and emotional health and a support system of people. And- if you can- reconcile that we can outgrow people. Sadly- even family. It’s THEIR choice what they do, not yours. You are the only thing in the world that you have any control over of you even have control over that. We usually know what the right thing is, it’s just the right thing is usually hard. Pick your battles and set them up so you ant lose. Don’t rush to a conflict if you aren’t ready for it. Line up your ducks, pick a strategy and have a fall back in place for if things go wrong.

Set it up so you can’t lose. That’s the best advice I have ever gotten in life and the best I can give. Figure out what is most important to you, and from there you can figure out the best plan to work at getting it while minimizing unacceptable loss. Total victory is only one scenario- be prepared for mixed victory- some concessions and some wins, Rome was not built nor burnt down in a day- patience, kindness, prudence, humility, moderation, perseverance, compassion, wisdom, respect, gentleness.... use the virtues you have and hope that your parents are of the character and caliber that they meet virtue with virtue. If they don’t- that is who they are, and you will know who you are and who they are.

My take- is that when we find out people aren’t who we thought- we mourn the loss of a person we only imagined existed. If the reality is what it is.... that’s what it is. It’s the idea of loss and not the actual loss that stings there.

Thank you guest, I'll try and use those strategies: they sound useful :) I appreciate the advice!

hehehehehe... see?
I knew eventually when he saw all that he'd go essay.. (didn't expect all that, honestly)...
Your most powerful weapon is time. Don't rush it.

Well... literally, half of Rome was burnt in a day.... It took strange winds and Nero ignoring it... but when it hit, it hit and it hit hard.

About total victory: that also isn't total submission. A total victory is when you can reason so well your "enemy" agrees with you and changes their own mindset; so nobody clashed physically in the first place.

A great example is cities, entire cities, in agreement, surrendering to Alexander before he ever showed up in person. THAT is total victory.

Now... that eventually got him poisoned, but goddamn did he not have a grand vision and do his best

Lol.