One of my friends is going through this. He just started taking them. He's working with his doctor to step up the dosage slowly and then wait a few weeks at each step. They evaluate carefully and then step up again. The steps are smaller every time.
,
I'm just saying this to let you know our bodies are intricate systems and you should work with your doctor. More isn't always better. Too much can loop you around to suicidal or even homicidal actions before you can get control. Can you make an appointment to see your doctor about it soon?

Thank you for responding. I've been on 9 different antidepressants - also using the stepwise thing and thus far this one has worked the best - a combo of anti-anxiety and depression medication - Serdep 100. But lately my brain has been telling me more and more that suicide will be the best option and it has been really dominant in my thoughts.
.
I'm pretty sure everyone's on Christmas break - my shrink is on leave and I promised not to bother him until 11 Jan, and my psychiatrist talks to me for 15 minutes with a glued smile (and he's definitely on Christmas break and fed up with me already).

If you are having suicidal thoughts it is IMPERATIVE that you speak with your Dr.
Leave a message for them to call you back immediately.
They are there to help you, especially if you are in crisis. Also, I don’t know what country you are in, but in the States there is a hotline if you are feeling suicidal/having Suicidal thoughts.
The holidays are a very hard time, and I’m so sorry you’re going through this. But please take the advice of a medical professional instead of taking matters into your own hands.

I concur! I hear that you are aware that suicidal thoughts are a side effect of your medicine. Being aware can help you ignore the thoughts, but you do not need to put yourself through that. It is draining and painful. Call your doctor, PLEASE!