It doesn't sound stupid. It sounds somewhat similar to the description of demi-sexuality?

Damn it is really a thing

Thanks @xvarnah

I'm guessing there no way around it??.. Cause I is frustrating!!

For what it's worth, I don't think it's an unusual thing. I think *most* people experience what you're describing, but maybe on a less intense level.
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Our brains have a way of hyping people up to us (for varying reasons), and the more hyped up we feel about someone, the more we tend to "appreciate" the interactions we have with them. And not necessarily even just sexual.
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Obviously you are experiencing it in a way that IS impacting you on a sexual level in a bit more of an extreme manner. But I just thought you should know it largely just sounds like an amplified exhibitation of something many of us go through

That I don't know for sure. I know there are several asexuals on this website, but I don't know if there's any demi-sexuals
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When it comes to porn... I've heard some talk about preferring less that's super focused on the visuals and more on the story? Some mention prefer written material, others have mentioned preferring audio or Asmr

I pretty story based more then visuals and they are very hard to find..but the another issues is imagining her everywhere, even in written materials

Haven't tried asmr

I mean, it makes sense you'd think of her since you felt connected to her. I'm not sure how to change that up other than maybe try visualizing a character you like instead?
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A lot of people seem to form pretty intense connections to some characters, and That seems like it would be the next closest thing to a real person, which might make it less awkward
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Though if possible it's probably best to pick one that's not going to lead to any uncomfortable situations later on

Asexuality is more complicated than don’t want sex.
I am married and yet classify myself as Asexual.
I am basic Asexual as in I don’t ever feel the urge in any shape or form but because I love my husband I have sex with him.
I have met some people like yourself who only feel sexually attracted to people he love.
I met those who won’t have sex at all but will MB.
That’s the thing about Asexuals we are not one thing I have even met bi and gay Ace people.
So don’t be down hearted because you feel you are not living like a “typical” Ace so you must be not Asexual.
Honestly you are just living as a branch version of us.
There is info and such you can find about it and even tests to see what type of ace you are.
I was pretty depressed before I knew I was ace I used to get mad thinking I was broken or that maybe I just didn’t deserve love.
To this day I adore romance as long as it don’t happen to me lol so finding out I was ace and what I was helped me figure out my life.

I agree with xvarnah, definitely sounds like you're demisexual.
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I actually wondered for a while if I was demi*romantic*, myself, and I still don't know whether I am or not.
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You're not broken for being like that, some people just end up being that way =^_^=

Never heard of demi-sexual before, but this is clearly what I am. So thanks for that, you learn something every day. As for your questions, do you think the weirdness you describe is due to that you have fallen out of love? Or is that your current busy period has just gotten in the way of romance? Sounds like you need to do something romantic together to rekindle the flame. A candlelit dinner or a hike with a campfire (cooking together) usually work for me. What do you like to do together that makes you feel close?

@xvarnah yep visualising someone helps but it just feel like a chore or and not as much fun... atleast it doesn't get uncomfortable tho

@mrscollector it is actually really confusing cause now that I've actually felt pleasure it's good but I can't really ask for it again I also fear to come off as a pervert or something even tho I trust her and she trusts me...I just don't trust me and my conversation skills so I'm just concerned that I can't enjoy by myself which was no issue before because I never actually did enjoy anything like this before

If you can share the test to me I would really appreciate it...thanks!

@lydia thanks for the kindness!..I too think I'm demi-sexual now

@snowbeast we both love eachother a lot plus she's legit the best..it's just certain things and busy times got us kinda platonic and we're in long distance so we can't really do anything romantic either

Thanks for the help though, knowing that I'm demi-sexual helped me a lot!!

All of this is very important. I'm so proud of all of you for being true, caring human beings. You really made my day, and I hope randomstrangerr's also.

I'm just glad if they feel helped or even just heard a little bit :)
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Not at all an easy subject to act for help on, not easy for people to discuss in general.
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As for the rest of it, @randomstrangerr, do some research into demi-sexuality and see where you land. If it's something you truly feel applies to you, maybe bring it up with her? It could give you an opportunity to broach the subject without seeming super hungry for nudes or whatever else you may be concerned about