guest_ · 2 weeks ago
I’m sorry Iccarus. May your father Rest In Peace and your family find comfort. I don’t know your family or dynamics. Is it possible that your mother, seeing how present and involved you were, may have thought that she didn’t want to further burden you, who were already so emotionally taxed by your connection, to help carry your burden? Not to say your brother is unaffected- but that having not been there as much or so involved that your brother isn’t perhaps carrying the same pain from the lived experience of your fathers passing and your mother may have thought that you deserve someone to lift you up as opposed to someone leaning on you for support right now? There could also be a different relationship between your brother and mother, or one of you brothers coukd remind her more of your father which might make her seek that brother because she feels your fathers absence, or avoid that brother because in this moment that familiarity to your father causes her to feel that loss more?
guest_ · 2 weeks ago
I could be way off base and forgive me. What you feel is valid and I am not saying otherwise, just searching for some reason that the situation might be so in the hopes of easing at least one of your troubles at the moment. I understand where you are coming from but whatever the reason I do not think it a personal reflection on you- dealing with the passing of someone close can be a complex thing and regardless of the why, your mother is probably just trying to get through as best she can. I know you too are likely in the same boat and your emotional needs are important right now too. I hope that you’re able to lean on someone close to you right now, just whoever might bring you some comfort and help you in this difficult time, and that your family are all able to support each other. I’m sure your mother still needs your support, yours may just be a different support and when she’s ready I know you’ll be there or are already there in ways you don’t realize giving her strength.
iccarus · 2 weeks ago
i rewatched the video feed, the moment when I, went in to get her to come out, my brother waited outside, as we got closer, she went to him for comfort. even during the eulogy, i have my arm around my mother, but she's obviously leaning away and towards my brother.
I feel bad for my mother of course, she lost her husband of nearly 50 years, i feel like i was never good enough, just a replacement until my brother could be there, I lost both parents.
I've been struggling, i'm broken, I know that, don't know what's been holding me together, but with this, it's gone.
guest_ · 2 weeks ago
I’m sorry. I don’t have words to mend it or anything- I’m sorry for your mom too- a husband of 50 years is a hard loss- but you lost your father too, that’s a different kind of hurt but hurts all the same. Right now I’m sure emotions are strong. Whatever is holding you together- let it hold and try and find healthy ways to help it out. I don’t know you like that personally- but everything I know about says that you ARE good enough- and that’s not BS internet speak- we’ve been on this board for years and I do t know you- but I think I have a fair idea about you and you’re a person of value and potential. Whatever your mothers reasons- they aren’t a reflection on you. You know it deep down. You were there while your dad was in the hospital and your family was going through this. You showed up and were present. You felt this. So you didn’t need to prove you were enough- but that alone should tell you.
guest_ · 2 weeks ago
Feeling like a place holder is going to hurt, and I can’t tell you how to feel and don’t know your family well enough to make examples or state a case otherwise- but however you look at it- your mom needed you and would she have been able to hold together when your brother wasn’t there and you were if it wasn’t for you? I’d hope she’ll acknowledge that but anyone who’s seen this thread and probably most people who know you know that you did a job no one else could have or was there to when it was needed most.
Wether that gets appreciated in a way that you feel from your mom or family or not- it’s the truth and at least two people- you and me, know it’s the truth. You showed up. You were there for your mom and dad as much as practically able.
It’s hard to go through all that and feel left out when the dust clears- but you did good and right.