Or as my partner says: the “wash your sister sauce”

Cheesecake looks offended at that diagnosis

To get to the other side

Just call it “The Probe” it sounds serious but we know. We all know.

Yeah except instead of ghosts or intruders I’m like “is that the cats messing my house up or the video?”

I just bought my first place and I immediately ordered a Murphy bed to put in my office for this exact reason

I named mine Sweeping Beauty. Makes me happy whenever I see it

I guess they had… chemistry

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought. But World War IV will be fought with a new one and then maybe we will get a good job.

As someone from Saint Louis who is very upset with the whole Rams situation I dont know if I’d say the NFL is against cheating and corruption either… :D

Our school’s snake man was my carpool’s dad. He ended up getting arrested for illegally owning this specific breed of alligator.

My New Year’s resolution is to die for the next weekend lol
Well 2022 is looking great for me guys.

You’ve heard of elf on the shelf well, get ready for bed.

I am on the naughty list because I have to church.
Apparently I need Jesus.

I put a spell on you and now I have to go to get back to work

Why didn’t they just have the eagles fly the ring to mount doom?

Grab my charger from your face

Not on here but I’d always get an orange dreamcicle

Usually I’m waiting for more of a wtf reaction when I do this

They didn’t take into account that Texans are a totally different breed of human.

I’m the other way because then the volume buttons are on top and more easily accessible when watching the shows

Is that a tiny thumb?!

Sometimes that’s just what happens after having a kid