Why do you always have to be so weird?

Yeah like sometimes at bars, guys will buy girls drinks in the hopes of something happening

Or if she just wasn’t a bitch and gave him credit for trying, he wouldn’t have been a dick back to her

I call bullshit. It’s a little TOO early for that. Target has some dignity.

It’s a centaur for gorillas

Catholics believe in different levels of sin. So if you killed someone, unless you’re completely guilty and really want to change it’s a lot different than if you lied to your mom about eating the last cookie from the cookie jar. Not all sins are the same and not all sins can be forgiven if you’re not truly sorry.

It rains, it pours, it rains, it pours

You’re talking about Russia though.

Nope. Definitely the lyrics to the song “Praise the Lord”

Whenever I hear the phrase “accident waiting to happen,” it reminds me of the musical number from The Drowsy Chaperone. Such a good show.

I’ve been to Graceland before. And throughout the tour you get to see everything, except his bedroom and the bathroom where he died.