If I saw that in the woods I would immediately think that I was in a fairy tale.
And given the life I've lived I would automatically assume that I was about to receive my comeuppance.

Happiness is in my pants

No one cared who was until he put on the mask.

That was freaking awesome

Mine is like bottom right but will soon be approaching daredevil levels

Mine and now my daughter

"Just meet someone Susan."

When I said I wanted to be attacked by a cougar in the kitchen this is not that I had in mind.

"Mom...Jennifer is escaping again."

Big chest?
Big booty?
I can't tell!

Every.Damn.Day.

It's to keep him from drowning in p*ssy.

"Arrest yourself!"
"Yes sir."

Guess I'll die then

Look out for the God squad

That's some wishful thinking

It's more of a 0

They got to you too Barkley?

This thought isn't exclusive to white people

"You know I should really gtfo but I just gotta get a photo for posterity."

Or when he suggests nuking mars to build an atmosphere