How to keep your cool

This is actually pretty helpful, thanks

You sadistic selfish beautiful child, if only I were allowed to, the amount of pain I would cause you would be from the most carefully selected array of tortures such as kisses and roses while mentally I am strangling you with a hug. *eye twitch*

Ever post something on the internet and wish you could delete it

Yes. Let the whole world see how devastatingly witty and scathing I can be.
*Proceeds to escalate sassiness to 11 on the sassy black woman scale*

How do I do this?

That's my baby boy!