i'm sorry but if you procreated with a deadbeat loser, instead of putting yourself and your kid through all the hassle/drama/tears/suffering that comes with getting back child support, just accept that you have to raise the kid on your own. *insert unpopular puffin meme here*
My dad always admitted to me that if i had a brother (yes, I'm female), he would have more freedom than i would. This used to piss me off beyond belief because I couldn't do anything (not even sleep overs with my girlfriends) and it was because of the genitalia i was born with!! Now that i am older I understand. If a girl fucks up and gets pregnant by a looser, its all up to her to take care of that child...HUGE responsibility. On the other hand, the guy can always run away from the responsibility. Unfair....I know....doesn't take away from the reality of the situation.
No. Both parents had sex. Both parents are responsible.
How about we raise boys to accept the responsibility of their actions instead of saying " sorry girls, you're SOL. Too bad your female."
I am a mother of two girls who's ex husband was abusive, cheated and chooses not to accept responsibility. He won't pay child support and chooses not to see his kids. Raising them on my own is hard, and the fight to get him to be responsible IS worth it.
Women telling other women to just accept that they're second I men is destructive, and gives misogynists clout to further their poor treatment of women.
To each their own. I am sorry to hear you're going through that tho. You can fight but the reality is there is only a very slim to none chance that your sacrifice of fighting (bc it is a sacrifice to go through that ) will make your ex responsible. I will raise my son to respect women but i can't speak for others. And I can try my hardest to raise him right and he may still come out to be a dead beat. At the end of the day, a man can run from his responsibilities a lot easier than the woman carrying the child for 9 months. So women should always pick the men they procreate with wisely. Dead beat men usually show their true colors fairly quickly.
It took my ex 4 years of marriage to show his true colors. Only AFTER I was pregnant. People change. Sometimes for the better. Sometimes for worse. Sometimes people do things and make decisions that destroy families. Yes, a man can run from the responsibilities easier. So why in the world should we let them? Most single patent homes are run by single mothers. And there is a huge correlation with poverty and single parent house holds. Your asking women to accept defeat, poverty, and all the responsibility, and raise their children in a situation where the child is disadvantaged. No. I will fight for my children and for me. And it is worth it. You have a lot of misconceptions stated in your post. Most people get the child support eventually. Not few.
Yes, pick the father of your children carefully. But your being judgmental if your think I didn't, that other people don't. Who my ex is now, is not who I married. And his irresponsible behavior is not on my shoulders.
Your posts contradict each other. My message is to women: choose the father of your baby carefully because most dead beat fathers ( in my area ) don't pay up and aren't caught by the authorities to pay up. The ones that do pay up are the non- dead beat fathers. I also don't understand trying to make someone be a parent... Don't you think the child will notice that parent doesn't want them ?
You don't seem to be struggling that badly according to this post of yours http://m.funsubstance.com/fun/132357/he-is-an-amazing-father/
Looks like you were smart enough to prepare yourself in case you had to do it in your own. Good job there !
Only if the custodial parent points out the absent one and makes a big deal about what that patent isn't doing. When my girls get older, yes, that will be something to be explained.
I'm interested in what I'm contradicting myself on.
And being forced to pay, doesn't take away someone's deadbeat status.
You can't force anyone to parent. But if you choose to have sex and end up a father, or choose to be father and then decide later you don't want to be, you have a responsibility to that child. And not just a moral one. The law states you have a financial obligation that is irrelevant to any parenting obligation.
My point is, don't assume to know why someone is a single mother. Blaming any single parent and saying "you should have chose better" is judgmental, and assumes you know more about what happened in their relationship then they did.
Telling women to just accept being in a hard situation, rather then fight for their children, is the exact opposite of what mothers should do
Still don't know what was contradictory. If you're going to say that, please point out where and how.
You're right. I did. I am educated, I am employed and I am did everything right to prepare myself for my future. But I will still fight for my children. I will still petition for wage garnishment and go to court to get him to pay his half of my disabled daughters medical bills.
I'm lucky for where I am. Women with less, need to fight even harder to support their kids.
If a man fathers children, he is legally and morally responsible to provide for those children.
Telling women to give up and get used to being alone tells men that leaving and not being responsible is an option. It isn't. Or at least it shouldn't be.
Women should always fight for the father to be responsible, even if the only reason would be from an economic stand point of fewer families on welfare and Medicaid.
You're right I am. Because when you address single mothers as a whole, you're addressing me. And as a single mother, I know your advice to be wrong and hurtful. I know how important it is for women,(and men, I know several men who have sole custody as well) to get any financial support from an absent parent. And I think the attitude of blame the victims, not the perpetrator, to be exceedingly destructive in our society.
My dad always admitted to me that if i had a brother (yes, I'm female), he would have more freedom than i would. This used to piss me off beyond belief because I couldn't do anything (not even sleep overs with my girlfriends) and it was because of the genitalia i was born with!! Now that i am older I understand. If a girl fucks up and gets pregnant by a looser, its all up to her to take care of that child...HUGE responsibility. On the other hand, the guy can always run away from the responsibility. Unfair....I know....doesn't take away from the reality of the situation.
How about we raise boys to accept the responsibility of their actions instead of saying " sorry girls, you're SOL. Too bad your female."
I am a mother of two girls who's ex husband was abusive, cheated and chooses not to accept responsibility. He won't pay child support and chooses not to see his kids. Raising them on my own is hard, and the fight to get him to be responsible IS worth it.
Women telling other women to just accept that they're second I men is destructive, and gives misogynists clout to further their poor treatment of women.
Yes, pick the father of your children carefully. But your being judgmental if your think I didn't, that other people don't. Who my ex is now, is not who I married. And his irresponsible behavior is not on my shoulders.
Looks like you were smart enough to prepare yourself in case you had to do it in your own. Good job there !
I'm interested in what I'm contradicting myself on.
And being forced to pay, doesn't take away someone's deadbeat status.
You can't force anyone to parent. But if you choose to have sex and end up a father, or choose to be father and then decide later you don't want to be, you have a responsibility to that child. And not just a moral one. The law states you have a financial obligation that is irrelevant to any parenting obligation.
My point is, don't assume to know why someone is a single mother. Blaming any single parent and saying "you should have chose better" is judgmental, and assumes you know more about what happened in their relationship then they did.
Telling women to just accept being in a hard situation, rather then fight for their children, is the exact opposite of what mothers should do
You're right. I did. I am educated, I am employed and I am did everything right to prepare myself for my future. But I will still fight for my children. I will still petition for wage garnishment and go to court to get him to pay his half of my disabled daughters medical bills.
I'm lucky for where I am. Women with less, need to fight even harder to support their kids.
If a man fathers children, he is legally and morally responsible to provide for those children.
Telling women to give up and get used to being alone tells men that leaving and not being responsible is an option. It isn't. Or at least it shouldn't be.
Women should always fight for the father to be responsible, even if the only reason would be from an economic stand point of fewer families on welfare and Medicaid.