That doesn't solve the stress, you just end up bottling it up. Coming from from someone who has anxiety and panic attacks, taking steps to reduce your stress & learning how to deal with it will improve your life greatly.
Haha I'm afraid I side a bit more with finkle on this one. I mean, you DO have to deal with it somehow. How that happens is dependant on the person though
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· 5 years ago
I disagree. You just sweep it under the rug and eventually, all the trauma just soaks out in the hot water. Its science!
I guess my next question would be how did it get like that in the first place
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· 5 years ago
I'm too hard on myself. I put too much pressure on myself. I hold myself hostage for my perceived lack success. I took advice from all the wrong people. I spent too long trying to please all the wrong people. I can go on, but it's just more BS in same theme.
Well here I was actually talking about wet carpets and there you were talking about actual serious things. It takes us awhile sometimes but eventually we end up on the same page
'
But, see, this is why you taking your time for yourself is important. To hell with the dating thing for awhile
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· 5 years ago
Ugh. I hate that. It's even more upsetting that were discussing wet carpets and soaking rugs, and neither one of us means it sexually.
.
See mama-bear you. You get it. My concern is with the the lifestyle I have planned, the independence, the people I'm hanging around, the money, the power- or the illusion of power is going to make me so that I can never have a relationship. I wouldn't be surprised if that happened to me.
I was surprised you made it this far without mentioning it in that context tbh
'
It's possible. A lot of the most successful people in the world business-wise are terrible at sustaining romantic relationships at the same time. I'm not implying you would be, just that it's insanely difficult to throw yourself headlong into things with conflicting demands. You may find someone who fits as you go, though I doubt it'll be the girl-next-door you can corrupt into a freak in the sheets, but they might fit what you need/want better. Or you may not and, at least as things currently stand, that's fine, too
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· 5 years ago
Well, we've fixed that now.
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It is possible.. and no, there you're definitely mistaken. If I do go down this road, I expect to have PLENTY of innocent, sweet young girls who want to come play downtown, go to nice restaurants, party at the hotels- and surely enough I will corrupt them beyond repair. Then they'll start getting comfortable, try to tell me what to do and BOOM- time to part ways and onto the next.
.
Jokes aside, I think it's actually very interesting about the psychology of entering into a relationship. A girl who I was with, specifically to have fun- I would NEVER let her tell me what to do. But if I started dating a girl, with the intention of DATING her- it wouldn't be fair to be completely inflexible, because that's not a healthy relationship.
.
Realistically, with how casual dating has become, 3-5 weeks in, when both relationships kind of feel the same, how do you tell the difference? Why tolerate orders from one and not the other? I find that very interesting.
Haha we may have slightly different definitions of "girl next door." Then again, girl's going after a guy for his money and then trying to control him just makes me think of some very unpleasant people so maybe I'm bias. Either way, does this mean you'd turn down a person who's less girl-next-door and more shark-in-the-water?
'
It is interesting, although also seems somewhat simple in ways to me. A person you're just with for fun it doesn't matter what they want because it doesn't matter if they're around. It's entertaining but so are a lot of things. But someone you want to have a relationship with you WANT to keep around. You INVEST in them, and like any good investment, you're more willing to put in the effort it takes to make sure it doesn't depreciate. Plus who wants to fight with each other all the damn time?
deleted
· 5 years ago
Really? What's your definition? Unpleasant, and idk, maybe rare where you're from, but it is parasitically rampant here. Gold diggers galore. And yes, absolutely. I FIRMLY believe that partners should challenge each other in healthy, stimulatory ways. But I will NEVER enter a relationship with a highly predatory girl.
.
I'm predatory. I'm aggressive AF. But never to my partner. I'm as gentle as a ladybug with them. Men are programmed that way. In my experience, women don't make that distinction. Women by nature are warmer than man; so when you do find a super super tough chick, you acknowledge her lethality and back away slowly. Ultra hard, ultra sharp women are NOT to be trusted. I'd like to think I'm cutthroat, and I'm definitely cunning, but I don't even compare to women at that level. They'd chew me up and spit me out. And I have a healthy respect for it.
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· 5 years ago
I suppose, but I don't think it's that simple, and maybe it's the man in me, but even 1 year ago I wouldn't have thought I would ever WANT something like this. Recently I've found myself warming to the idea of like a deep FWB situation. I had that recently, but I wasn't as healthy as I am now and I didn't want to ruin her life so I stopped things early.
.
My point is the NEW idea looks like dating in all aspects except for the deepest of connections. That you are your partner know there's a hard line in the sand, it's not being crossed, but you can still be close and caring in every other aspect. A year ago that would've sounded grotesque, hollow, and a waste of time. Now that seems like the goal. Emotional isolation, with emotional exposure and human comfort...
I don't generally think of girls next door as the type to be super impressed with wanting to go downtown and such is all I was saying haha. I imagine gold-diggers are (or were) rampant in Alberta. I'm completely not their target and don't associate with anyone like that, though, so I couldn't say for sure. But one of my cousins is one of the most terrifying kinds of gold-diggers. I imagine you've had to fend them off from time to time
'
So if I'm understanding right you're basically a very dominant personality and don't want to be constantly at odds with another extremely dominant personality. You don't mind (as you say) challenging each other, but dominance is just a power-struggle. You have nothing against them, but romance is off the table. Makes sense. Probably for the best anyway- if you found a sociopathic partner you'd likely end up in the white house or something. (<- house of cards reference)
'
I mean, you're right, there will always be more layers. For FWB you want to maintain the relationship a bit because of the friendship, which is supposed to be on-going.
'
I could see how it could be appealing. I haven't really spoken with any people who have engaged in FWB, but it seems like it would be very difficult to maintain emotional distance. Especially since the entire chemical and biological reactions triggered by sex are intended to convince people to hang around each other. It likely gets more difficult when it's the same person as well. But you would know better than me, having done something down that road already
deleted
· 5 years ago
So, I have to answer the rest of this, but an exciting little tidbit.
.
Just had a massage- the last thing I can get out of company paid benefits before those go away. Most interesting moment is after all the small-talk you start flirting with your RMT. And then... she starts flirting back. And now I honestly can't tell if she was being a good businesswoman and just flirting with her Male clients to keep them coming back, or if she was actually like, flirting with me.
.
My head is spinning.. I was half asleep when I got there, 3/4 asleep during and when I left, couldn't think clearly because the massage felt so good.. honestly I just don't know. Such an interesting experience
Pre-script: I read that as "Jesus had a message" and even when I realized Jesus was probably wrong I still read massage as message and didn't know what in hell you were on about <.<
'
Haha well it sounds like you enjoyed yourself at any rate. Never had a massage (or been a male) so I sadly can't say whether her goal was more revenue or to get you naked somewhere besides her table. I suppose you could always go back someday in the future and find out
'
But, see, this is why you taking your time for yourself is important. To hell with the dating thing for awhile
.
See mama-bear you. You get it. My concern is with the the lifestyle I have planned, the independence, the people I'm hanging around, the money, the power- or the illusion of power is going to make me so that I can never have a relationship. I wouldn't be surprised if that happened to me.
'
It's possible. A lot of the most successful people in the world business-wise are terrible at sustaining romantic relationships at the same time. I'm not implying you would be, just that it's insanely difficult to throw yourself headlong into things with conflicting demands. You may find someone who fits as you go, though I doubt it'll be the girl-next-door you can corrupt into a freak in the sheets, but they might fit what you need/want better. Or you may not and, at least as things currently stand, that's fine, too
.
It is possible.. and no, there you're definitely mistaken. If I do go down this road, I expect to have PLENTY of innocent, sweet young girls who want to come play downtown, go to nice restaurants, party at the hotels- and surely enough I will corrupt them beyond repair. Then they'll start getting comfortable, try to tell me what to do and BOOM- time to part ways and onto the next.
.
Jokes aside, I think it's actually very interesting about the psychology of entering into a relationship. A girl who I was with, specifically to have fun- I would NEVER let her tell me what to do. But if I started dating a girl, with the intention of DATING her- it wouldn't be fair to be completely inflexible, because that's not a healthy relationship.
.
Realistically, with how casual dating has become, 3-5 weeks in, when both relationships kind of feel the same, how do you tell the difference? Why tolerate orders from one and not the other? I find that very interesting.
'
It is interesting, although also seems somewhat simple in ways to me. A person you're just with for fun it doesn't matter what they want because it doesn't matter if they're around. It's entertaining but so are a lot of things. But someone you want to have a relationship with you WANT to keep around. You INVEST in them, and like any good investment, you're more willing to put in the effort it takes to make sure it doesn't depreciate. Plus who wants to fight with each other all the damn time?
.
I'm predatory. I'm aggressive AF. But never to my partner. I'm as gentle as a ladybug with them. Men are programmed that way. In my experience, women don't make that distinction. Women by nature are warmer than man; so when you do find a super super tough chick, you acknowledge her lethality and back away slowly. Ultra hard, ultra sharp women are NOT to be trusted. I'd like to think I'm cutthroat, and I'm definitely cunning, but I don't even compare to women at that level. They'd chew me up and spit me out. And I have a healthy respect for it.
.
My point is the NEW idea looks like dating in all aspects except for the deepest of connections. That you are your partner know there's a hard line in the sand, it's not being crossed, but you can still be close and caring in every other aspect. A year ago that would've sounded grotesque, hollow, and a waste of time. Now that seems like the goal. Emotional isolation, with emotional exposure and human comfort...
'
So if I'm understanding right you're basically a very dominant personality and don't want to be constantly at odds with another extremely dominant personality. You don't mind (as you say) challenging each other, but dominance is just a power-struggle. You have nothing against them, but romance is off the table. Makes sense. Probably for the best anyway- if you found a sociopathic partner you'd likely end up in the white house or something. (<- house of cards reference)
'
'
I could see how it could be appealing. I haven't really spoken with any people who have engaged in FWB, but it seems like it would be very difficult to maintain emotional distance. Especially since the entire chemical and biological reactions triggered by sex are intended to convince people to hang around each other. It likely gets more difficult when it's the same person as well. But you would know better than me, having done something down that road already
.
Just had a massage- the last thing I can get out of company paid benefits before those go away. Most interesting moment is after all the small-talk you start flirting with your RMT. And then... she starts flirting back. And now I honestly can't tell if she was being a good businesswoman and just flirting with her Male clients to keep them coming back, or if she was actually like, flirting with me.
.
My head is spinning.. I was half asleep when I got there, 3/4 asleep during and when I left, couldn't think clearly because the massage felt so good.. honestly I just don't know. Such an interesting experience
'
Haha well it sounds like you enjoyed yourself at any rate. Never had a massage (or been a male) so I sadly can't say whether her goal was more revenue or to get you naked somewhere besides her table. I suppose you could always go back someday in the future and find out